Bright, Bright Sunshiney Day…

Standard

Don’t laugh.  I totally have that song earworming it’s way through my head right now, but it fits.  It feels like my view on everything has shifted, righting itself for the first time in years.

Those of you who follow my blog are already aware that I lost my little sister to violence some years back.  It rocked my world.  I couldn’t make myself do anything beyond just getting out of bed and it was a chore doing even that most days.  After about three weeks of this, I visited my doctor and obtained a prescription for anti-depressants.  I won’t lie; they helped immensely.  They numbed me enough to enable me to function.  Gradually, I started living again, but as a calmer, quieter, different version of myself.  But the anti-depressants had numerous side-effects: sleeplessness, weight-gain, blood pressure spikes, etc., so my doctor prescribed other pills to offset those side-effects.  Each new pill had yet another side-effect and my doctor continued to prescribe in an effort to keep me stable.  By last March, I was taking almost as many medications as my diabetic 69-year-old father. At my last visit, my doctor wanted to prescribe yet another medication.  I couldn’t bring myself to fill it.  I was done.  And so I weaned off gradually.  Today I am on my 11th day free of meds and for the first day in a long time, I feel like me.  Here are few things about myself I totally forgot.

I am a crier.  Okay, I was never exactly proud of this trait.  Who wants to be known as the girl who cries over Hallmark commercials?  Or, as I told Faith this morning, that one VISA commercial where the woman flies all the way from Australia to be with her pregnant sister as she delivers her first child?  I believe my reaction consisted of copious tears and me proclaming that, “I would totally fly from Australia to be with Faith like that!!!!”  It’s actually a relief to cry over sad scenes in movies or in books; or because a friend gives you an unbelievably considerate and generous gift; or because the sky is a perfect shade of blue and the wind is blowing your hair all around and the knockout roses in the backyard smell divine and this moment in this particular day couldn’t be any more beautiful or wonderful.  It’s a relief.

I am passionate about my opinions and beliefs.  This has recently led to trouble as medicated me was more likely to avoid discussions about touchy subjects such as politics and religion.  Non-medicated me strongly wants to defend my beliefs, agrees with whomever said that the status is not quo, and has utterly no problem stating her positions on life and calling a spade a spade.  Or as in the most recent case, a fucking idiot, a fucking idiot.  I’m looking at you, Rush Limbaugh.  I was forced to apologize for the four letter expletive, but I stand my ground on the sentiment.  Just saying.

I like being physically active.  No, I really do.  Stairs work just as well as elevators.  Navigating the hilly tree-lined streets around my house makes me exhausted, but the good kind of exhausted.  The blisters on my heels hurt, but they’re fantastic because they mean I’m alive.  My heart and lungs ache from my body’s inactivity, but they’re working, pumping oxygen through me, allowing me to breathe deeply and to continue moving.  I am literally excited to go home tonight, change clothes and head outside for a while.

Theatre ROCKS!  All this pent-up energy and passion that has had nowhere to go for ages is completely psyched about the arts again.  I want to see shows, work on my play again; dude, I wanna go to the museum.  I want to see plays that make me uncomfortable-I want my world views to be proven wrong as much as I want to be proven right.  I want to engage again.  It’s been too long.

I still love pretty men.  I’m not saying I was brain-dead all those years-I mean I still got pleasure out of looking at a fantastically gorgeous guy.  It’s just the meds sort of numb all the responses down so I really only looked once, appreciated and moved on.  I’m just saying you get so much more out of it when you look two or three times before moving on.  🙂  I think I might even be willing to date again.  At least after a little more of remembering who I am first…

…because, I am a little bit of a mess trying to figure all this out.  But still, I feel like myself again.  I like who I am without the meds weighing me down.  I’m probably more exasperating to my friends and family, and I admit this is all taking some getting used to.  But I’m back.  Heh.  I’d apologize for unleashing myself on the world, but I’m not actually all that sorry.

RIP: Sydney the Dog

Standard

We lost our Sydney girl today.  As evidenced by the photo above her primary hobby was sleeping.  She never had much energy but she had shitloads of love.  I will miss her.

There’s always a couple of days of adjustment when you get a new dog, but Sydney fit in seamlessly from the start.  There was no awkwardness, no accidents, nothing.  She owned us from the moment she arrived.  She was so calm, so even-tempered, that she sometimes got lost with our more boisterous dogs, but it didn’t take us long to appreciate her steadiness. We learned from fostering animals, that Sydney was absolutely a gift from the gods.

I will miss you with all my heart baby girl.  I promise you, there’s nap-time in heaven…

The Meme That I Stole

Standard

Stole this from the amazing CG, who stole it from Ruffles Not Diets :

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4 and write the sentence here:
agronomy: the science of soil (Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus)
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What’s there? File cabinet.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Watched the Today show this morning on NBC while getting ready for work.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 12:00
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 11:43
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The fax machine receiving a fax.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? This morning–going from the car to my office.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? CG’s site.
9. What are you wearing? khakis and a white tank top with teal and navy flowers on it.  And sandles.
10. Did you dream last night? I don’t currently remember, but it was kind of intense whatever it was.11. When did you last laugh? This morning during a meeting.

 12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? In front is a long graphic showing the cohort/course progression for my students.  Magnets: No Power in the Verse Can Stop Me, a Progresso, Mexico magnet with sand and some shells in a bottle, a magnet from The Book of Mormon musical, a flip-flop magnet from San Diego, a pineapple magnet from Hawaii, a “Your Throne Awaits” magnet from Buc-cee’s (I really need to do a post about Buc-cee’s), a Mall of America magnet, a Beatle’s Cirque du Soleil magent, a magnet that says “Virginia is for Lovers”, a magnet from NYC, a St Louis Arch magnet, and a Venezia Italy magnet.  To my left, a college of nursing employee directory, and behind me some electronic book codes.  Why, yes, I am at work.  And I’ll be right back to it after this meme.
13. Seen anything weird lately? Not sure what qualifies as weird.  I saw a garden snake while I was weeding the yard and since I terrified of snakes, I jumped about three feet off the ground.  I know it’s harmless, but they still creep me out.
14. What is the last film you saw? Hunger Games. 15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? I would pay off all my school loans, give away large sums of money to my parents and siblings, give L2 the money to buy her house outright and remodel it, give sizable donations to my alma mater theatre department and to my favorite local theatre and to my friend V’s start-up theatre company, donate to pet rescue charities, and TRAVEL.

16. Tell me something about you that I don’t know. When I was a little girl, I had a bed-wetting problem.  There was a doll at the time called Betsy-Wetsy who could wet her pants and that’s what everyone called me in school.  I got over the difficulty by the second grade.  🙂
17. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change? No one in any country would be starving-everyone would have enough to eat. 18. Do you like to dance? Yes, but not in front of anyone.  Except my dogs.  They don’t care how spazzy I look.

19. What do you think of the president? He seems like a really cool guy and a great father.  I think Mitt Romney will have a difficult time beating him in this election.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Like CG, I have no children on the way, so I’ll focus on dogs.  I like the name Daisy for a dog.  It’s cute.
21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Next boy dog: Max.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad? I would love to.
23. What do you want to say to God when you reach the pearly gates? Wow. You really exist. So, um, you know what was in my heart, right? Does that count? Or shall I just hop on the down escalator now? (stole from CG, but so true!)

How May I Direct Your Call?

Standard

So apparently unrelenting boredom is an excellent motivator for blupdating one’s personal blog.  I had no idea.  I am working the front desk at my college of nursing today, which means other than answering phones, there isn’t much to do.  Add to that the little fact that it’s Spring Break this week and how the phone is most decidedly not ringing off the hook and you have a recipe for complete and utter soul-sucking boredom.  Seriously.  I tried to get my sister to entertain me, but she’s all “I have a job, I don’t have time to entertain you…”  Rude.  Okay, she wasn’t rude about it all.  I just need entertainment.  Clearly it’s up to me to relieve my ennui.

So what shall we talk about, gentle reader?

….

Wow, okay, so Spring Break was like three weeks ago and I never finished this post.  Know what happened?  I couldn’t think of anything to talk about.  That’s just sad.  It’s not like nothing has been going on.  There’s been somethings.  For example, I took a couple of days off during Spring Break and devoted them to complete self-absorption.  The parentals were on vacation so it was just me and the dogs.  Thursday and Friday were spent with friends doing fun friendy things like movies and rock barrels and IKEA, etc.  Had dinner Friday night at the Fort Worth Food Truck Park (Lee’s Grilled Cheeses-a food truck devoted to grilled cheese sandwiches.  What is not to love there??)  Saturday I slept in, read the newspaper, watched Bones and Vampire Diaries DVDs and went to bed early.  Sunday I slept in, read the newspaper and drank Dad’s superior “Daddy Coffee”, finished reading Kim Harrison’s newest, watched some more Bones DVDs and then went to bed early.

Then weekend before last, I went to that cosmopolitan metropolis known as Beaumont with mah bestie.  She received an academic award because she’s a smartie-pants.  We would have stayed in that sophisticated city, but we decided Galveston was more to our liking so we spent the rest of the weekend there.  We…walked on the beach (sweet!), collected sea shells, ate at Gaido’s sister restaurant, Casey’s (less than fresh, should’ve sucked it up and gone to Gaido’s), walked along the Strand, stared longingly at the Port of Galveston where the Triumph was sitting in dock waiting to cruise to Cozumel, got massively sunburned (just me), stayed in a crap hotel (but who cares where you sleep??), had breakfast at Waffle House (fan-freaking-tastic) and headed back to Fort Worth.  Plus, we stopped at Buc-cee’s twice, on the way there (tasty hot chocolate!) and on the way back (solarcaine!!).  I may have to do a separate post on the marvels of Buc-cees.  It’s like a little gas station theme park right in the middle of 1-10.  It’s a thing of beauty.  Would you like a couple of pics of the road trip?  TOO BAD!  You’re getting a couple anyway.  🙂

In East Texas on the road to Beaumont, pretty amirite?

This badass bridge between Beaumont and Port Arthur (I thought it was cool anyway…)

Galveston beach…got there early in the a.m. to watch the sun come up, but it was already kind of crowded.

So, see??  Stuff.

I think this qualifies as a blupdate.  Go, me!  Now go forth and enjoy your day. . .

Spoiled Rotten

Standard

That’s me.  Spoiled rotten.  I can’t even work up a respectable self-pity episode when I’m so completely and thoroughly spoiled by the people around me.  See it’s my birthday and I’m 40.  I know, I know I don’t look a day over 39, but it’s true.  I’ve been feeling…well…sorry for myself.  I mean as a youth I had an idea where my life would be and how it would look at 40 and, I’m telling you, there is absolutely no resemblance between my expectations and my reality.  I was prepared for rampant depression, comfort eating, and perhaps a bit of wallowing.  Instead I got BFF’d.  Have you ever seen the television show, “How I Met Your Mother?”  Every time Marshall successfully argues a point with his friends he follows it up with the word, “Lawyered!”  It’s funny because he is a lawyer.  Maybe you had to be there.  Anyway, I was not lawyered.  I was BFF’d.

L2 whisked me away first to Freebirds, where I disappointed her expectations by not ordering a burrito.  We did get chocolate next door at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  We then went to Fresco’s in Arlington where I had a pedicure and a haircut.  The pedicure was an experience because, well, I kind of maybe haven’t shaved my legs in three weeks.  What?  It’s been cold and I’ve been wearing jeans and boots.  No need.  So I was pretty embarrassed by my Chewbacca leg-do, but I pedicured up anyway.  I have sparkly burgundy toes now.  Then I cut off my hair-it’s kind of short now, but I really like it.  BFF then took me to Half Price Books where we spent all of ten minutes before leaving abruptly for El Gabby’s, where as it turns out, a whole host of friends and family were waiting for me.  L2 gave me a good old-fashioned surprise party.  I got bling, I got seriously good hot chocolate k-cups, and I got…wow, and hard to find the words, I have deleted and retyped this exactly five times.  L2 and Work Aunt got together and collected for my cruise fund.  I don’t know how much is in the jar, but it’s a lot.  I’ll count it later, right now I am kind of basking in the idea of a cruise, but more importantly I’m basking in the idea that so many people thought to contribute to it.

See, I can whine all day about how old I feel or how I’m middle aged now, or blah wah wah, boo hoo, but the truth is that age has brought me time to find and make friends, the kind of friends who will unselfishly think up a good idea and run with it just because they want the gratification of seeing someone else have a good day.  The kind of people who will give of themselves, whether it’s time or just some goofy ass sense of humor that turns out to be much needed.  And the kind of people who let you do for them in turn.

Yes, L2, I had a good day.  I did tear up even if you didn’t get quite the reaction you were hoping for (complete and total shock v. tears).  What made me cry tonight (and made me get up in the middle of the night to type it out because I couldn’t sleep until I did) was the fact that you would go to all that trouble for ME.  That my friends think enough of me to just to sign a card or show up for dinner, much less work together to give me such a gift.  The fact that everything did that for me?  It’s sort of leaving me gobsmacked.  From the bottom of my (sober) heart, thank you for being there and for reminding me that 40 is an opportunity, not a tragedy.

Here’s to another 40 with all my friends…

Disturbing Search Terms

Standard

The incomparable Chauceriangirl and I were curious, so we looked at all the search terms used to find our respective blogs.  One of the most common terms to find me?  DOG PORN.  That’s right.  There are people on the earth who type DOG PORN into their search engines.  I can only hope they’re looking in the spirit in which my original post was intended-a joke about how my dog, Sydney, does porny poses when I try to take cute dog photographs.  They never work and the picture never gets taken because I am APPALLED.  Not only DOG PORN, but DOG AND CAT PORN and HARD DOG PORN.  That is disgusting, people.  If you found my blog through this particular search phrase, DOG PORN, click the back arrow.  I do not have what you are looking for.

Chauceriangirl’s were much less disturbing although it did include “Melanie Lynskey Farts.”  No DOG PORN for my sister, blessed be.  😀

Memey Goodness

Standard

53 Questions That You May Not Have Seen Before

  • Instructions: You should know these by now.
  • 1: What do you put on hotdogs? Catsup, mustard, relish
  • 2: Do you say “anticlimatic” or “anticlimactic”? I say anticlimactic.  I think that’s right…
  • 3: Do you check flyers before grocery shopping? Sometimes
  • 4: Blue, black, or some other colour pen ink? Blue
  • 5: Do you use your parking brake? Yes
  • 6: Look to your left. How many framed pictures are on the wall? No framed pictures, but I’m at the theatre office right now and there’s an adorable photo strip to my left of my boss and his fantabulous good-smelling partner.
  • 7: Do you know how to play chess? Nope
  • 8: How often do you clean the interior of your car? About once a quarter whether it needs it or not.
  • 9: Do you ever read the last few pages first? I’ve been known to cheat, but I will say reading from my nook makes it a LOT more difficult.
  • 10: Ever fallen in the shower? Yes, twice.
  • 11: On a scale of 1-10, how likely are you to swear at other drivers? 10, I’m kind of an ass when I’m stuck in traffic
  • 12: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Probably a bitch, but that’s not necessarily an insult.
  • 13: Do you have a Snuggie? Yes, at work and I use it too!
  • 14: Are you allergic to anything? Not that i know of…oh wait, there’s a pain killer (lortab?) that makes me all itchy.
  • 15: Do you have any TV shows on DVD? Yes, Buffy, Angel, Freaks and Geeks, Gilmore Girls, True Blood, Wonderfalls, Alias
  • 16: How many times do you hit the snooze button before finally getting out of bed? I ignore my alarm clock altogether.  It’s a special skill.
  • 17: Ever driven away in anger? Yes.
  • 18: What’s your favourite freezie colour?  What the hell’s a freezie?
  • 19: Are you a vegetarian? No.  I love steak. Medium rare, grilled to perfection. If it needs steak sauce, that is NOT a good sign of a good steak.
  • 20: Do you have a garbage receptacle beside you? What’s on top?Just got emptied, so nothing.
  • 21: Do you cross out your mistakes or erase/whiteout them? Cross them out.
  • 22: Ever torn something up that you instantly knew was too important for such treatment? Yes.
  • 23: Do you think that things will get better? I HOPE that things will get better.  Does that count?
  • 24: Do you have an unpopular opinion? What is it? I tend to vote democrat in family full of republicans.  So I have a lot of unpopular opinions if you judge that way.
  • 25: What’s your favourite quote? I can’t think of anything right now because my mind is busily imagining chaucerian girl correcting your grammar to “quotation.”
  • 26: Did you/are you going to go to prom? I did go.  It was okay, but I had a 12:30 curfew.  No really.
  • 27: What’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Slamming my hand in the car door. 
  • 28: What’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced? The end of my marriage.
  • 29: Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? Maybe??  The dude in the car in front me was having a grand mal seziure and I called 911 and kept him from choking on his vomit before the paramedics got there.  They told me I probably saved his life and my friend N called me Batgirl for the next three months, so I’ll say yes.  I have saved a life.  Who’s your daddy? 🙂
  • 30: What’s your favourite book genre? Paranormal and mysteries.
  • 31: Did you like “Gigli”? Be honest. I honestly never saw it.
  • 32: Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? Yes.
  • 33: Do you peek between your fingers during the scary scenes? Hell no.  I cover my eyes all together and ask the person I’m with to tell me when it’s over.
  • 34: What was your reaction to Tatum getting killed whilst stuck in the pet door in Scream? Okay, I know I’m in the minority, but I couldn’t get into Scream.  I’ve never finished it.  Thanks for spoiling, Dude.  KIDDING.
  • 35: Do dogs like you? Yes, by and large, dogs tend to like me.  Especially with BBQ sauce.  KIDDING.  They like me.  They really, really like me.
  • 36: Would you say that you project an air of authority? I don’t think so but I did manage to itimidate some freshmen when I was a senior in college, so maybe?
  • 37: Do people listen when you speak? Yes.  And then they laugh at me.  It’s very sad.
  • 38: How are your elbows? Are they okay? I haven’t asked them lately, but I assume they’re fine.
  • 39: What is one thing that you do exceptionally well? Be honest. Okay, there’s no way this is not going to sound vain, but I really am a decent actor.  I even have awards.  No, really…
  • 40: Do you use torrents? I don’t know what that means.
  • 41: When was the last time you paid for music? I bought Adele 19 from the Apple store about a week ago.
  • 42: Are you addicted to technology? Nah, I don’t think so.  I feel confident I could give it up as long as I still had books.
  • 43: Pick a person (you don’t need to give their name). How do you feel about them? Be as honest as you can get yourself to be. My best friend and the reason I keep going when life gets difficult.
  • 44: Do you check your computer’s dictionary for the definition of words you’d otherwise feel confident about using during in-person interactions? Just to be sure? No, but I do have a Webster’s dictionary on my desk that I frequently check when I’m trying to use big words.
  • 45: How heavily to you rely on spellcheck and autocorrect? I rely heavily in the sense that spell check changes “teh” to “the” and other minor typos like that.  But I don’t trust grammar correct as far as I can throw it and spell check isn’t much better.
  • 46: Have you ever gotten into an argument on the internet? Did you win? I do not Internet fight.  It is a useless waste of time and only encourages trolls.  I usually disagree quietly and move on with my day.
  • 47: Do you pause movies/TV shows if you have to go to the bathroom or the kitchen, or do you just let them keep playing? I don’t have a DVR so I usually hold it till commercials and then I go.  🙂
  • 48: If you use a regular alarm clock, do you have it set to music or that obnoxious beeping? N/A
  • 49: Peter Pan? What about him?
  • 50: How often do you fall up the stairs? It has happened a time or four.
  • 51: Do you pronounce “anti” as ant-eye or ant-ee? (Example: “That scene was very anticlimactic.”) ant-eye
  • 52: Do you pronounce “via” as vee-uh or vie-uh? (Example: “We can get there via Tremont Street.”) vie-uh
  • 53: How often do you forget to close your parentheses? It’s happened before.