Category Archives: stupidness

Black Thursday

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I really try to be upbeat on this blog, usually-or at the very least I try to be productive about whining.  You know, looking on the bright side, perspective, this too shall pass, I could fix the problem by simply doing this one thing, blah-blah-blah.  But today…is just stupid.  And you know what?  There’s really no good reason.  My life, of late, hasn’t sucked.  I saw Idina Menzel in concert last night and she was fantastic.  She was funny and articulate and super classy.  (Might have had to be there for that one to be funny.)  Even better?  I didn’t have to pay for the tickets.  My friend’s husband won them from a radio station contest and they were nice enough to invite me along.  Work is going well.  At the very least, I am gainfully employed and in this economy that’s saying something.  I have a place to live with parents I love all the time and like about 90% of the time.  If you knew the monster, you’d understand how the other 10% comes into play.  I mean, life is not all that bad.  But today…is just stupid.

First, there’s the dog poop.  Arthur has taken to pooping in the house every morning sometime while I’m in my shower.  I tried locking him up to minimize the damage, but he just poops no matter where he is.  It’s either clean up up in the back of the house or clean up in the front of the house.  Won’t poop outside, no ma’am.  Must poop inside and then look cute and innocent when our people step on the poop with bare feet and let out a tremendous and highly creative slew of curse-words.

Then last night we had a genuine Texas thunderstorm with hail and everything.  On my new car.  Three dings.  Now, they’re small and let me confess fully that if I hadn’t been looking for them, I probably wouldn’t have noticed them, but I am in a BAD MOOD (TM) so I mentally catalogued them and added them to my list of things that make today really stupid.

Then I was just this close to being late this morning, but I was gonna make it on time, only to be stopped in front of the train tracks while an excrutiatingly slow 15-mile long train meandered it’s way down the tracks all relaxed and groovy-like.  I swear to you I could hear Simon and Garfunkle’s “Slow down…you move too fast…gotta make the morning last…” somewhere in the background and I wanted to scream.  In fact, I may have done just that to let off steam but since there was no one in the car with me, you’d have difficulty proving it.  I am not feelin’ groovy.  Just saying.

Oh, and I bought two embroidered polos for work, both of them the same size, one way too big for me, and other way too small.  WTF-ery is this, I ask you???  That’s $60 I’m not getting back any time soon.  And it just pisses me off.

And I have big nasty circles under my eyes and not enough make-up on.  You’re welcome for the visual, Interwebs.

Yes, I know, none of these are big life-altering things.  I’m aware of that.  And ordinarily I’d be sanguine.  Or at least, all perspective-y, because I’m good at that.  But today, I am in a BAD MOOD (TM).  Meh.  I’ll be over it by 2:00 PM.  But as of right now, today…is stupid.

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D’oh!

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I’ve been saying it all day.

11:05 AM.  I realize I forgot my lunch.  D’oh!  Oh well, dad can have my lunch.  Besides, I could stand to skip a meal.  I mean, have you seen me?  Trust me, it wouldn’t hurt.

12:15 PM.  The person who shares my office just heated up her lunch.  Spaghetti with clam sauce.  Okay, it smells really good, but just because it smells good doesn’t mean I have to eat.  I can wait till I get home.

12:40 PM.  Hell with that, I’m getting something to eat.  Besides it will be nice to sit by myself away from the office in a cool, cool restaurant with a tasty lunch and a good book.

1:00 PM.  Arrive at restaurant.  Realize the paperback book that was in my purse yesterday afternoon is currently sitting on my dresser at home where I left it after reading a chapter.  I have no problem eating out by myself, but I have to have a book.  No book=no eating out alone.

1:15 PM. Drive by Sonic for a corny dog.

1:30 PM. Decide to blow time by browsing the shelves at Walgreens.  I can’t speak for everyone else, but I personally enjoy walking around the drugstore sometimes.  I find no-slip hairbands on sale for buy one, get one free, so I buy two packs, plus a nifty looking headband.  Okay, and a Mr. Goodbar, I cannot lie.  Chocolate and peanuts.  sigh.

1:45 PM. On my way back to office, but realize (1) how long it’s been since I’ve stopped by Lone Star Comics, and (2) how ridiculously close the nearest Lone Star Comics is.  I haven’t been in almost two months, but they still have my subscriptions.  So I buy them, plus the next three volumes of Strangers in Paradise by Terry Moore.  (so close to having the entire set…)  I also find out from the adorable and helpful child working there (no really, she sounded really adult and professional, but looked about 12) that there is a True Blood comic out now, so she adds it to my subscriptions because as we all know, I’m saving money and can’t afford to purchase yet more comics and graphic novels. 

2:00 PM.  Late to work.  Still at Lone Star.

2:15 PM. Finally drag my butt back to the office.  Work steadily until it’s time to proctor an exam at 4:00.

3:55 PM.  No one has showed up for the exam yet.  That’s weird.  They’re usually here by now.  Double check my calendar-yep, I have it scheduled for today.  Double-check the professor.  Nope, not till next Thursday.  I do not at all feel stupid.  There’s no reason.  Besides, I’m not stupid, I’m just early.

D’oh.  Just saying.

Bridezilla Bites

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This is a short and *mostly true story.  Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

[sound effect: the “dun dun” from Law and Order]

Our story opens at a seedy office complex where Rhymes with Moi (hereafter referred to as our heroine) works.  Our Heroine is a very nice person, I think we all can agree.  What kind of story would this be if she were a total bitch?  Because she is so kind, when she notices a sad coworker, she befriends her and tries to help her out.  This leads to a chain of events where coworker, who swears Our Heroine is the bestest friend she ever had, asks Our Heroine to be her matron of honor at her upcoming wedding.  Our Heroine is touched and flattered and agrees to this.

[This is the part of the story where the biographer – me – will most certainly not point out that if coworker loved Our Heroine so very much, then she would have called, or texted, or emailed, or sent a get-well-soon card to Our Heroine at least once when she was home-bound for almost two months after knee surgery, instead of ignoring her altogether and blaming it on her busy, busy life.  The biographer will also not point out that she wasn’t crazy about coworker from the start and that she thinks coworker is a big fat lying liar who lies like lying people do.  For more details on the ridiculous lies told by the lying liar coworker, please email the biographer directly and she will be happy to explicate about the types of lies told and how she will not be telling you about them.]

Our Heroine, who is fond of research, checks out books on the responsibilities inherent in matron-of-honor-hood.  For starters, there is the bridal shower.  Our Heroine holds, not one, but two bridal showers for coworker.  (Ooh, hey, I accidentally just typed cowanker before I corrected it.  Heh.) The first shower was held at the biographer’s (e.g. me) house.  Coworker was almost 45 minutes late to her own shower.  When she finally did show up, she sailed right past the biographer (AKA me) without saying a word or introducing her to the two people she brought with her.  Naturally, the rudeness wasn’t coworker’s fault, because as there always is with coworker, there was drama! happening.  I would share the drama! but I don’t actually care.  The biographer has very little knowledge about the second shower which occured at work.  This is probably a good thing as the biographer (once again, yours truly) is feeling very pissed off and prone to sarcasm at the moment.

Next up was the bachelorette party.  Our Heroine booked a “too drunk to drive” hotel room just in case the festivities got out of hand-coworker does enjoy tying one on.  Our Heroine also purchased the requisite bachelorette bling: tiara with veil, light up plastic ring rock the size of Vegas, doofy sunglasses, and blingy necklaces.  As with the first shower, coworker was late again, but this time she was over an hour late.  She proceeded straight to the liquor and dove right into the spirit of things until another bachelorette party was seated next to us at which point she began verbally bashing the 20-something year-old blonde bride to be.  Statements such as “stick up her ass” and “thinks she’s perfect” were bandied about as if coworker personally knew the stranger seated at the next table.  The biographer is certain it had nothing whatsoever to do with spiteful jealousy.

Between the bridesmaid dress, the two showers, the party, and the destination wedding trip to New Mexico, Our Heroine has shelled out close to $1000.  This is approximately $900 more than she spent on her own wedding. 

Yesterday, during the fitting, Our Heroine discovered the bridesmaid dress does not fit.  This made Our Heroine cry, which am I right, ladies?  Totally understandable.  She plans on taking to a tailor to see if it can be altered and in the worst-case scenario will just go buy another dress from her local department store.  When Our Heroine texted and emailed coworker to let her know, she was met with dead silence.  Please bear in mind that coworker actually works with Our Heroine and is currently sitting not less than 50 feet away from her.  Oh, yes, coworker knows the situation, but feels the silent treatment is the best solution to the problem.  After all, how dare Our Heroine ruin her wedding so????!!!!  Our Heroine has even offered to pull out so the perfect sea of blue dresses won’t be sullied by different shade.  And still the silent treatment.  Not even a “hey, let me process and I’ll get back to you.”

Our Heroine will not allow the biographer to send a scathing email to coworker, so the biographer (it bears repeating, me, me, me) must sadly settle for passive aggressive ass-chewing via the blog vehicle.

The biographer advises Our Heroine to tell coworker to stick it.  The biographer also knows that Our Heroine is too nice to do that, yet still urges her to reconsider.

[sound effect: the “dun dun” from Law and Order]

*the only untrue part is the seedy office complex.  It’s actually kind of a nice building…

One Of Those [Bad] Days

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Yesterday was bad.  Really a bad day.  To quote Fray, and for that matter, Buffy…”started off bad.  stayed that way.”

Had a fight with a friend-a friend I love.  Got an assignment at work that MUST be done by a specific date, only none of the people who sign off on it are cooperating.  One is out of town; the other doesn’t so much want to provide the documentation I need to get the job done.  Sorry, too much explainy would confuse further.  Co-worker is out of town attending a funeral this week and I’ve been slammed with phone calls and applications.  It’s always busier the last week of the month-people wanting to get their raises approved in time for the next pay period.  Who can blame ’em?  But it was stressful yesterday.  And then I had my first therapy session.  So.  Yeah.  Yesterday not nearly as good as Sunday, the last time I blupdated.  Here’s hoping today improves.

Crispy Balls-Or Reason #16 I Should Have Stayed in Bed This Morning

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So, I cut myself this morning.  I won’t go into the details of how because it’s rather embarrassing, but trust me, it was an accident.  I cut myself on the neck.  I have a great big band-aid on my neck, glaringly obvious, for all to see and comment on.  It’s humilating.  If it were remotely cold today, I’d have a scarf wrapped around my neck.  As is, I left my long hair down and put on way too much make-up in an effort to draw attention away from it.  I sat on the bathmat holding a tissue to stop the bleeding and I cried.  My dogs gathered around and pawed at me, which was sweet, but disturbing, because even they seem to think I need some assistance.  I called my sister and blubbered.  She had to go.  So I blubbered some more and considered calling into work, but what would my excuse be?  “Hi, bosslady, I’m stupid today, so I won’t be coming into work.”  So I got up, dried the tears, and finished getting ready for work.

When I got here, a situation I thought was already resolved turned out to be unresolved-mostly because this person will not take no for an answer.  Usually, I admire this kind of tenacity, but in this case, she can refuse to take “no” all day long, but it still won’t change my answer to “yes.”  She’s contacted every single person in my department hoping for a different answer and we’ve all said the same thing.  So she contacted HR this morning.  Realizing it was an issue that could only be addressed by my department, they forwarded me the email.  So we’re starting all over again.  It’s a very circular pattern.

And then I decided chocolate would be good.  Right now.  This very second.  I have these mini chocolate crispy eggs left over from Easter.  So I said-loudly-I’m eating two crispy balls.  My coworker laughed so hard she both wheezed and snorted.  That is soooo not what I meant.

I want to go back home and climb into bed.  I don’t even want to start the day over.  I just want to hide until tomorrow.  Gah!!!!  Stupid fricking day.