Category Archives: Review-Television Show

Born This Way – Glee Review

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Good news: Sue Sylvester was nowhere to be found in this episode

Better news: This episode has Glee returning to season 1 form.  Yes, that’s a very good thing

Bad news: I lost the last 20 minutes due to the severe storm weather coverage in North Texas

Put it all in perspective news: Though certainly tornado afflicted that night, it was nothing compared to the loss of lives and the mass destruction of the Alabama twisters.  I can watch the last 20 minutes of Glee on Hulu.  But the survivors of those storms do not currently have the luxury to be upset about missing the last 20 minutes of their favorite television show.  Generally speaking, my life is darn swell.

On to the review.

Thank you, Ryan Murphy, for giving me back the Glee I fell in love with.  Santana was deliciously twisted, performing very good deeds for all the wrong reasons.  Dave was suitably chastened in his little chat with Kurt, but entirely insincere in his apology to Glee Club.  Will was still patronizing, but kind of appropriately so, plus he was not trying to recapture his youth vicariously through his students.  Emma was so brave and the OCD storyline wasn’t celebrated as one of Emma’s adorable little quirks.  I was impressed by your treatment of that particular illness.  Rachel was charming even in her insecurity.  Quinn was charming even in her vapid mode.  You even made me a Quinn/Finn shipper, something I ordinarily don’t really care all that much about.  But the best part was Kurt coming home, Burt’s continued defense of his son, Burt’s comment to Finn to “watch out for your brother” along with Finn’s “already on it,” and sealed with a hug between two brothers.  Yeah, whatever, I’m a sap, I know it, but I love the Hummel extended family dynamic. 

What I didn’t go for?  Quinn’s sudden revelation about her miserable tweenage years, which completely contradicts every single thing we’ve heard about her past and came from out of nowhere.  I don’t know that I buy it.  But if I did buy it, it makes her inner mean girl more reprehensible knowing what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that type of cruelty.  I also felt like Lauren’s bullying went way the hell over the top.  We already have one Sue, show runner Ryan Murphy, we don’t need another one.  The only part of Lauren’s character that has been revealed is her bad-assery.  Nothing wrong with that, but how about giving the girl some layers?  And why couldn’t Mercedes have run for prom queen?  I’d totally vote for her.  Finally, where are the parents?????  Seriously?  A sixteen year old girl is going to go to a plastic surgery consult without a parent?  And what kind of quack-ass doctor brings up plastic surgery to a 16-year-old with a broken nose?  Rachel lives in Lima, OH, not L.A.

The music, on the other hand.  So Awesome.  Finn has never sounded better, and the mash-up of I Feel Pretty/Unpretty with Rachel and Quinn was beautifully done.  I loved the spirit in which the flash mob was offered up, though not quite as much as the execution.  All made up for by the sheer joy on Rachel’s face as she realized she has friends who love her exactly as she is. 

All in all, I felt like my show was back.  So thank you, show.

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Sue Sylvester’s Legion of Snooze

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This isn’t directed at you, Glee’s Jane Lynch.  You are tremendously talented and I’d be just fine if TPTB heaped Emmys upon you for the rest of your hopefully long career.  Sue Sylvester, on the other hand?  Go away.  You annoy me. 

I have discussed on this blog my above-average ability to suspend disbelief.  As a show in which people frequently and suddenly burst into song, I hardly expect realism from Glee.  The multiple dropped plotlines (for example, Hi, Shelby and Beth!  How are you, lesson-of-the-week cripple who is cripplier than Artie, but who we have yet to see since?) sometimes bug, but haven’t detracted from my ability to enjoy the show.  The character inconsistencies haven’t even stopped from me tuning in every Tuesday.  Finn breaks up with Rachel because she kissed Puck, and gets back together with his old girlfriend who had Puck’s baby while she and Finn were still coupley?  Okay, I guess.  Whatever.  Guys can be dumb and when it comes to stupid, Finn is like Prom King or whatever.  Sue Sylvester’s antics?  Glee’s creators have pushed her so far over the top that I’m surprised her nose isn’t constantly bleeding from the altitude.

Examples: Sue throws a massive, destructive hissy fit in the principal’s office, turning over furniture, destroying perfectly good electronic equipment and abusing students, followed up with another destructive hissy fit in Coach Beiste’s office, knocking over weight-lifting equipment and making a general ass out of herself, all with no repercussions.  She purchases a human cannon with the Cheerio’s apparently unlimited budget and tries to bully an unwilling student into being the human cannonball.  She punches the governor’s wife in public in full view of hundreds of witnesses and apparently isn’t even charged for assault.  Upon losing the nationals she shifts the Cheerio’s (apparently unlimited) funds into overseas markets, so the budget can’t be split amongst other school groups.  In the real world, Sue Sylvester was fired from her job somewhere in the middle of season one, and mostly likely after one of those dogged “hardcore” investigative journalists did a full-on expose regarding her exploits.

It was amusing at first, her obsession with bringing down glee club, and her uncanny ability to always end up on top.  It was tempered with intriguing character revelations, such as her immense affection for her Down’s Syndrome afflicted sister, and her occasional “lesson learned mea culpa” moments with Will Schuester.  Instead of growing as a character, though, she’s remained the exact same.  Those moments of dignity wind up wasted because the very next episode finds her shoving a student against a locker or dreaming up some predictably over-the-top way of humiliating Glee Club and/or her nemesis, Will.

Don’t misunderstand.  I don’t want my Sue Sylvester with a constant heart of gold.  That’s for sissy girls and glee teachers.  But her unwavering obsession with bringing down Glee Club is old.  So, so old.  Imagine what could have happened had Sue been charged with assault on the governor’s wife; how she could have twisted it around, gotten a book deal and met Matt Lauer.  With all the crap she buries herself in, think of the fun you writers could have digging her back out.  Instead every week is either “Curses!  Foiled again!” or “Secretly, my grinchy heart has grown ten sizes and I love you all.”  Either way, she doesn’t seem to have gotten anything out of her experiences.

In one scene we’re asked to learn something from the bullying mess we call Karofsky, but in the next scene we’re supposed to laugh at Sue’s hateful and bullying antics.  Honestly?  They aren’t funny anymore.  The kids she wants so much to destroy are just kids.  The adults she pulls into her “Legion of Doom” (and frankly, I prefer the moniker Evil League of Evil, but we can’t all be Joss Whedon) are laughable, or would be if this wasn’t such a tired trope.  For the love of Pete, get Sue some other hobby besides destroying Glee Club.

Please, show, I implore you.  Let Sue Sylvester evolve.  Or just let her go home and bring on a new and different villain every season.  Trust me, Sue will thank you for it.

The Substitute – Glee Review 11/16/2010

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The bullet recap:

  • Sue enlists crazy female A/V student to get both Figgins and Will sick from monkey flu.  This results in Sue stepping in as principal and Holly Holiday (aka Gwyneth Paltrow) subbing for Will’s Spanish class.
  • Sue’s first act is to disband the football team, to which Beiste responds “Then who will your Cheerios cheer for?”  Sue must unhappily concede Beiste’s point and returns to her principal’s lair to refine her plotting.
  • Rachel uses this time to assert her authority over Glee Club until Kurt convinces Holly Holiday to sub in Glee as well.  Holly Holiday proves her awesomeness by singing Ce-Lo?  I guess?  Rachel is not terribly impressed but the other glee kids are all over it, particularly because Holly Holiday is all about “yes” and none too fond of “no.”  As in “Yes, you can sing any song you want for Sectionals, no matter inappropriate” or “Yes, Mercedes, you may be excused in order to vandalize cars in the parking lot.”
  • Sue bans tater tots and institutes a healthy lunch policy at McKinley, which distresses Mercedes who has been using food as an emotional crutch over the absence of Kurt, who is now spending the majority of his free time with Blaine (and who could blame him?)
  • Will is nursed to health by psycho Terri.  While medicated he dreams himself into a rather faithful version of “Make ‘Em Laugh” from Singin’ in the Rain.  While medicated, he also sleeps with Terri who now believes she has her man back.
  • Rachel visits Will to let him know about Holly Holiday who is now such good friends with Sue that that they got their hair highlighted together.
  • Will returns to school only to be fired by now apparentaly permanent (?) Principal Sue, who has given his job to Holly Holiday.
  • Meanwhile Holly Holiday, who gave permission for Mercedes to vandalize cars in the parking lot, is called onto the carpet by a very irate Sue, who wants to know why she allowed Mercedes to stuff tator tots up her car tail pipe resulting in $17K worth of damage.  Apparently Sue has a very rare type of car plated in gold or some crap, I have no idea.  Holly Holiday, unlike Will, doesn’t go to bat for Mercedes.
  • Holly shows up at Will’s place and admits to him that she’s a terrible teacher and will resign.
  • Will breaks Terri’s heart all over again when he tells her the other day was a mistake and the marriage is most definitely over.
  • Will gets his job back.
  • McKinley High does two musical numbers with incredibly expensive stage effects that a small college would have trouble affording, much less a public high school on the Glee club’s supposedly crappy budget (my suspension of disbelief was suspended).
  • Sue still appears to be principal at the end, a plot fart I am not at all liking.
  • Oh, and meathead jock tells Kurt that if he ever tells anyone about THE KISS, he will kill him.  I think he might mean it.

Letters:

Oh, geez, I don’t have the energy.  This was such a lackluster episode.  I get that part of Glee is fantasy (for crying out loud they burst into song in the hallways), but I wasn’t getting into last night’s show.  If I had to grade it, it would get a C-.  That’s how much I was not enthusiastic.  I found Rachel completely annoying minus her usual weird charm.  Giving Sue power was completely lame, as a Sue in charge of the world is a Sue with no conflict and therefore uninteresting.  There was no real expansion of any overarching season theme-it was just actors being silly in front of a camera.  With my theatre background, I am fully aware of how long it takes to put something like that last mash-up together.  Even with the most skilled artists it takes longer than “the next day.”

My only bright spot, as always, was Kurt, but how many “I love Kurt” letters can I write?  And even loving him as I do, I found Kurt overbearing and slightly annoying this episode.  In fact, I really wasn’t rooting for anyone last night and that’s a rare Glee episode for me.  Not that I wanted badness, I just didn’t care.  That’s not how you write a show.  Just FYI.

Never Been Kissed – Glee Review 11/9

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You may have noticed that I didn’t put up a “letters” for the Rocky Horror episode.  That would be because I sadly haven’t seen it yet!   I was being a do-gooder the night it aired (volunteering for a local event benefitting the youth programs for a live theatre and the YMCA) and didn’t get to watch it.  Before anyone asks, yes I’ve heard of a DVR.  No, I don’t have one.  I’m sure I will see it eventually and when I do, I’ll post my thoughts. 

 So, I’m going to do these reviews a bit differently.  I’ll start with a brief bullet recap, then move to my letters.  That way even if you didn’t get to watch the episode, you’ll have a little bit of context.

  • Puck is out of juvie and for his “community service” he’s decided to mentor Artie.  He teaches Artie how to be mean to get chicks.  Artie is mean to Brit-Brit and now she likes him even more. Oh, and the Mohawk is back!
  • Sam complains to Finn about how many cold showers he needs dating Quinn since she won’t put out.  Finn, equally frustrated with Rachel, sympathizes and tells him he needs to think about something else (like how he remembers that postman he almost ran over) so he doesn’t get frustrated.  Sam uses Beiste-imagines her in cheerleading outfits, lingerie, etc. which seems to work as a cool-down, so he shares the secret with Tina and Mike.  Only Beiste finds out and her feelings are hurt.
  • Kurt is bullied by Karovski.  Will witnesses it and tries to talk to Kurt about it, but as usual he mangles it because he doesn’t understand Kurt’s situation no matter how much he wants to.
  • Will announces the 2nd annual boys v girls mash-up and when Kurt tries to team with the girls, Will won’t let him.  But he does tell the boys that they have to sing a song associated with chick singing (e.g. Diana Ross, Katy Perry, etc.) while the girls have to sing a dude song.  This makes Kurt happy.
  • Will also tells them their competition for sectionals is a private boys school and an alternative school populated by the elderly.
  • While giving his Diana Ross pitch to the other boys, Puck tells Kurt to stuff it; that he will not be wearing a feather boa.  He suggests Kurt do something useful like spy on the other team while the boys try to man up the girl song.
  • Kurt is hurt but he agrees to scope out the competition at the boys school.  When he gets there, he meets Blaine, a member of their glee club.  Blaine is out but he doesn’t face the scorn that Kurt does at school.  Blaine’s already figured out Kurt’s a spy, but he befriends him anyway.  Kurt asks him how to deal with it.  Blaine said that when he came out, he DIDN’T deal with it-just switched schools where there’s a zero tolerance bullying policy.  He tells Kurt that his option is running away or standing his ground.  Since most people can’t afford $40K tuition a year, he recommends standing his ground.  Blaine wishes he’d have stood up for himself instead of running away and he really encourages Kurt to do likewise.  He sends Kurt text messages that just say “courage.”  It’s actually really sweet.
  • So Kurt gets back to school and Karovski shoves him hard against the lockers.  Kurt falls down, but then he gets back up and follows Karovski to the locker room and starts yelling at him-basically telling him that he can punch, shove, and bully Kurt all he wants, but it won’t change the fact that Kurt is gay and Karovski is ignorant and stupid.  Mid-yell Karovski grabs Kurt’s face and kisses him really hard.  Kurt is completely shocked as is an ashen-faced Karovski, who takes off.  Later in the hallways, he bullies Kurt again, but worse this time.
  • Meanwhile Bieste decides since the students don’t respect her that she’s going to quit.  Sue is happy and tells Will about it using exploding confetti cannons as a visual aid for her joy, but Will, who sympathizes with Beiste and gives her her very first kiss, convinces her to stay and the glee boys apologize by singing their mashup for her.
  • Oh, and the girl’s mashup was all hard-rock Bon Jovi…
  • And that’s what you missed on GLEE!

 Dear Show:

I love you- you know this.  I mean my personal blog has basically devolved into a perpetual Glee love-fest.  (Perhaps I should blupdate on my actual life?  No?)  So when I say this, I don’t want you to think my love is fading.  But you are veering dangerously close to the ABC After School Special Zone.  I’m glad you’re addressing bullying, particularly when the bullying is a symptom of underlying hatred and prejudice.  It’s just that you went about it in such a predictable way.  Oh NOZ!  The big mean meathead jock is closeted and has a crush on Kurt!!!  Joss Whedon pulled that storyline too, but he did it in his typical way, meaning he made fun of the trope while simultaneously pushing the storyline. 

Now the positive: I like that big mean meathead jock is still closeted and still bullying.  Thank you for not having him suddenly see the light and be all “Yes!!  I now have the self-confidence necessary to be true to myself and tell the world just how awesomely gay I am and how proud I am to be so!!!”  Because while I do believe in the power of epiphanies, I think having the courage to buck against the status quo (because the status is NOT quo!—Dr. Horrible) comes with time and experience.  Kurt is exceptional because he does possess the inner strength and courage necessary to be an openly gay teen in a school that does not look kindly on outsiders.  But big mean meathead jock associates his worth with popularity- a state not very conducive to independent thought.  It wouldn’t have been true to his character to have him suddenly holding hands with Kurt and embracing his inner gay.  So, yes a bit cliché, but not as bad as it could have been.

Sincerely,

Izzybella

Dear Kurt:

I’m going to tell you a secret that every adult in the universe knows but won’t always share.  High School is NOT the prime of your life.  That happens way later when you get older and gain both wisdom and perspective.  Things are difficult for you now, but there will be a day when you’ll look back in amazement at how little most of that crap even matters.  What you will remember are the little moments that define the person you become.  Anyone who tells you these are the best years of your life is lying to you.

Second, dude!!  You seriously have a crazy story for your first kiss.  It’s so cliché no one will ever believe it!

Yours,

Izzybella

Dear Artie:

Puck is a bad influence on you.  Be wary.

Love,

Izzybella

Dear Puck:

Artie is a good influence on you.  Don’t let that friendship end once your community service is up.

TTYL,

Izzybella

PS: I missed the Mohawk!!

 Dear Will:

You were less douch-ey this week!!  I’m so proud.  First off, good on  you for trying to help Kurt.  Even though he gave you no credit for actually understanding his situation, I’m giving you major credit for your genuine desire to help.  Second, thank you for defending Beiste.  A lesser man would have laughed and done the “boys will be boys” bit.  You were genuinely appalled and your talkin’ to you gave to the boys was pretty freakin’ awesome.  Finally, it was really sweet how you gave Beiste her first kiss.  I love you so much when you act like an adult instead of a 15-year-old man-child.  What can I say?  I love the nice guys.

Hugs,

Izzybella

Dear Blaine:

I completely love you.  You are kind and compassionate and talented and so, so pretty. 

Never change,

Izzybella

Dear Karovsky (aka mean meathead jock):

I won’t judge you.  You’re a kid.  But see Kurt’s letter above re: the best years of your life. 

Truly,

Izzybella

Dear Glee Girls:

Way to rock the shizz.  I think you beat the guys this time. 

Lylas,

Izzybella

 Dear Glee Boys:

You lost.  You should have allowed Kurt to mentor you.  You can be fab-glam even without the boas and eyeliner.  Big freakin’ chickens.

With deepest affection,

Izzybella

 NEXT WEEK: Gwyneth Paltrow substitutes for a sick Will!  And Terri’s playing nursemaid!

DUETS-Glee Review

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Dear Rachel:

Now that’s what I’m talking about!!  Okay, there was still a teensy bit of self-reward in your actions, but still…you would not have thrown that little competition last season.  I can only conclude that Finn has been good for you. 

 But what you did for Kurt?  Rachel, that was sweet, and there was truly nothing in it for you unless you count the joy of performing with someone as talented as Kurt.  It was a beautiful, heartfelt moment and it made me really happy, even if it turns out to be only a temporary truce.  I know for you (and I’m not picking on you here, because this is really true for most people), it will mostly always be about you, but it’s good to read someone else’s book sometimes too.

Lylas,

Izzybella

Dear Finn:

Lips and Quinn would have won even if you and Rachel hadn’t been so grossly inappropriate with your naughty nun and priest costumes.  All you would have had to do is vote for them instead of yourselves, which is how they won anyway.  Also, you are a scary good manipulator.  It’s tempting to blame that on Rachel’s influence, but to be honest, you’ve been that way since the beginning.  Like last season when you took Rachel out only to get her back in Glee Club.  But it does seem like your sneaky is getting sneakier.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

On the other hand, dude, I’m glad you were direct with Kurt.  This is a message he needed desperately to understand.  I mean you might have been a little nicer about it, but let’s be honest-there’s probably no way you could have said it, being the object of his affections, that would have not hurt him a little.  So good on you.

Finally, either your voice has improved or auto-tune has.  Not sure which, but something was better last night.

Sincerely,

Izzybella

Dear Kurt:

It’s always your storyline that chokes me up a little bit.  I’m thinking it’s because TPTB (aka Ryan Murphy) is capitalizing on some beautiful acting by Chris Colfer as well his excellent chemistry with Mike O’Malley.  (Yes, I know!!  What does Chris Colfer have to do with it???  You’re a real person!!!  You are!!!!!)

 Anyway, as difficult as it was to get that message from both Finn and your dad, I’m glad you were called on it.  That’s not an automatic clearance for the derogatory word Finn threw at you, but try on his shoes even though they are nowhere near as fabulous as yours.  Think about how intensely uncomfortable you were those few weeks Mercedes crushed on you.  Your dad told you true. 

 Finally, re: the Victor/Victoria number.  Your voice, as always, was amazing, but…meh.  Or as my friend, Mel says, beh.  I’ve seen better.  But let’s be honest, how else were you going to follow up last week’s emotional rendition of I Wanna Hold Your Hand?  You never had a chance.

Affectionately yours,

Izzybella

Dear Will:

See, don’t you have more respect for yourself as an actual effective teacher instead of a douchey boy-man?

Yours,

Izzybella

Dear Tina and Mike:

Ya’ll rocked that number. 

 Also, Mike, this “Asian Couples Counseling” is (1) inconsistent with your offense at being classified as an “Asian Couple” in the first episode back; (2) a little precipitous considering you’re both only high school juniors, not married adults working out a complicated relationship, and (3) lame. 

As always,

Izzybella

Dear Quinn:

I like your idea of making this year about you and getting past last year’s baby drama.  Plus, I think it’s really smart to go slow with Lips McDorkface. 

I really enjoyed your duet, though I’m going to be honest-you didn’t really offer anything new from the original.  And please, like I’m gonna think Jason Mraz is less awesome than Lips?  Hellz no.  It was very cute and there was definitely chemistry there, but the duet that should have won?  Santana and Mercedes.  That was some badassery.

Friends forever,

Izzybella

Dear Santana/Mercedes:

No really.  I mean it.  BADASSERY.  You were totally robbed-those breadsticks should have been yours!!!

All the best,

Izzybella

Dear Brittany:

As Elle texted last night, you are freakishly strong. 

Wait, that’s not what I wanted to tell you…

 I’m really sorry how much Santana hurt you.  Not just the fight you had post-Puck (that sounds dirty), but also Santana telling Artie that you were just using him.  I know what hurt you wasn’t that your intentions were actually honest-you and I both know that’s not that case.  But you obviously know what it’s like to feel used and it seemed pretty clear to me that you didn’t realize Artie could take it that way.  I could tell you felt awful about it.  And how do you make that up to someone?  You made me so sad when you were all by yourself at Breadstix rolling your meatball with your nose…minus your Tramp.  Or your Lady.  Wait, were you the lady or the tramp?  Anyway…It’s a difficult position to be in.  I have no idea what to say to make it better.  But I’m on your side.

Best of luck,

Izzybella

Dear Puck/Sue/Emma:

I missed you.

Love,

Izzybella

NEXT WEEK: Rocky Horror Picture Show!!!  I’m not going to lie-I’ve never participated in the pop-culture phenomenon that is Rocky Horror.  I gather there’s a slutty looking transvestite and a great deal of song.  I also know that my beloved Anthony Stewart Head (aka GILES!!) appeared in a London production of it, but that’s the extent of my knowledge.  Therefore, I’m throwing this out to my three readers.  If one of you knows the show and would like to gurest-write my review next episode, just say the word!  The invite is open and the format is your choice.

Glee Review-Losing My Religion

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Dear McKinley High Glee Club:

Sorry for the delay in getting this letter to you.  I spent Wednesday at the Texas State Fair, where they do not serve grilled cheezus, but do serve deep fried grilled cheese sandwiches.  What can I say?  It’s Texas. 

I’m not 100% sure how to go about the letters this week.  That’s what happens when you cross ABC After School Special with Wednesday night church.  So first I’d like to address you collectively, to let you all know that I really grooved on the way you came together for Kurt and his dad.  That was damn cool. 

I like when you bond.  It makes me happy.  I like when you admit you kind of give a crap about each other.  I’m sorry for the sentimentality (and I haven’t even gotten to Kurt’s letter yet!) but this week was a total 4-hankie week.

Keep the faith,

Izzybella

Dear Kurt:

You broke my heart this week.  First off, let me say that I absolutely believe you are a real true person actually living in Lima, Ohio.  However, if you were just a character created by Ryan Murphy and brought to life by the incomparable Chris Colfer, then I would be compelled to mention that this was undeniably one of the most heart-rending performances ever to cross my television set.  I would also add that for such a relatively young man, Chris Colfer has a lovely, wise, old soul that shines through every scene, but most particularly those with Kurt’s father.  This has to be one of the best relationships ever to appear on television.

I really got you when you spoke to Glee Club about your views on faith.  As someone who believes strongly in God, I have to say I’ve felt that way myself on occasion.  But I was still glad that you eventually accepted what your Glee clubbers were trying to do for you.  It wasn’t about God at that moment, so much as it was about love (which ultimately does make it about God, but that’s a blog post for another time and place).  You are a person with a tremendous capacity to love, but it’s strangely sometimes more difficult to accept it than to give it.  No matter what your beliefs, that’s a fundamental core of humankind-the ability to give and receive love.  I’m glad you opened yourself up to that, because in my view, it’s the only thing that makes all this life stuff worthwhile.

Also, your rendition of I Wanna Hold Your Hand?  Chilling.  Fab.

Keep that love train going.

Much love,

Izzybella

Dear Rachel:

GAH!  You can’t stop performing even when you aren’t on stage.  Trust me, learning how to truly listen to someone will make you an even better performer because you will understand how to connect with people.  Without that, you’re just a pretty voice with no substance.

I have such a love/hate thing with you.  I adore you.  But I wanna punch you.

Conflictingly yours,

Izzybella

Dear Finn:

I don’t even know what to say.  Grilled Cheezus??!!  You are one weird-ass dude.  Let’s just get real for a moment.  Even were Grilled Cheezus an actual manifestation of … that guy … do you really think with all the other stuff going on in the world that he cares whether or not you get to second base with Rachel?  In the grand scheme of things, that’s probably not on the holy radar.  There are things I think you pray about and then there are things that you just have to use your best judgment on.  It’s your free agency.  Embrace it.  Besides, if not for your a/h move in questioning Sam’s call, we wouldn’t have Captain Lips appearing on Glee next week.  Also, I kind of liked your angry Losing My Religion mojo.  It was pretty awesome.

As always,

Izzybella

Dear Sue:

I love your evil wicked ways, but I love your humanity too.  That moment with Emma was poignant.  Even better was the moment with your sister.  “God doesn’t make mistakes.”  I think that’s true.  If it wouldn’t completely repulse you, I’d want to hug you.  …  Geez, don’t make that face, I didn’t say I was GONNA.  Damn.

Stay evilly humane,

Izzybella

Dear Quinn:

I miss you.  You should sing next week and not just back-up.  I mean real actual Quinn song.

Lylas,

Izzybella

Dear Puck:

Can you pull out your guitar and sing every week?  That would be awesome.  Because you and your guitar together?  That’s just wicked sexy.

Love,

Izzybella

 Dear Showrunner Ryan Murphy:

Thank you for (1) no creepy-ass jewfro, and (2) not killing off Burt Hummel. 

Sincerely,

Izzybella

NEXT WEEK: Duets!  Hot Lips Dude! Good times!

It’s Britney, Bitch – Glee Review

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Dear Britt-Britt:

 Girl, you are like totally Sasha Fierce.  Forget Britney, you outdance her like crazy!!!  In addition, you can wear the same skanky outfits she wears in all those videos and concert tours and look 63% less skanky.  I have no idea about your singing voice, though, due to the auto-tune.  In fairness, I have no idea whether Britney can sing for the same reason.  But straight up, those moves were ridiculous sexy.  Own that, girl!

 But do me a favor, sweetie.  No Ke$ha.  For the love of all that is Britney, do NOT go there.

 With deepest affection,

Izzybella

Dear Santana:

No lie, I love the way you have your girl Britt’s back.  You may be a bitch of the highest order but when it comes to genuine friendship and love, you’re the very definition of true-blue-loyal.  You’re so in sync with your bestie with benefits that you can even have shared drug-induced fantasies that are wicked hot and have the added bonus of including MARK FROM FREAKING SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!  You awesomeness has nothing to do with your cheerleading garb.  Deep inside that cruel, cruel exterior is a warm squishy marshmallow center.  You rock.  I’m not even going to scold you for being nasty to Rachel (yet again), because Rachel was a real pain in the ass this week.

Warmest wishes,

Izzybella

Dear Rachel:

Are you TRYING to make me hate you?  Oh. Em. Gee.  Look, I know insecurity goes with teenage girlhood like peas and carrots, but you have got to get a grip.  Has Finn given you any reason to not trust him?  Did you really need to further wound Quinn by using her to set your boyfriend up?  Good for you, Finn is loyal, but if you’d have seen the look on Quinn’s face and really understood it, you’d have died a little inside just like she did.  What an A/H move.  If we were in the same room, I’d have to punch you in the face, purely on general principles.

And despite it all, I still…

Lylas (damn it),

Izzybella

Dear Bieste:

 Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww…you softie, you.  Only two eps into the season and I have a feeling you’re gonna be one of my favorites.

Cheers,

Izzybella

Dear Sue:

 Most days I am inspired by your insanity, but for some reason I found myself annoyed by the control-freakiness of you today.  I totally excuse you, though, because butt sweat stains like the one Jewfro left can be genuinely traumatic.  But take the idiotic neck-brace off.  You are above this.

Also, unlike Will, I totally believe your account of the 1968 Democratic Convention.  It’s completely plausible.

Yours in school spirit,

Izzybella

Jewfro:

You are a sick bastard.

 Sincerely,

Izzybella

Dear John Stamos from Full House:

I’m sorry, you may be named Carl on this show, but to me you will always be John Stamos from Full House.  You’re still really pretty and I was hoping you’d sing and play guitar for Aunt Bec…I mean, Emma.  I hope next time you’re on, you sing. 

 Love,

Izzybella

Dear Emma:

 It was nice seeing you this episode.  It looks like your neat-freakiness is getting a little bit better, but woman-to-woman, I need to give you some advice.  Carl is a wee titch condescending.  Enjoy his dark good looks and impish smile, but keep your eyes open.  Just between us girls.

 Forever friends,

Izzybella

Dear Will:

I saved my Will-directed vitriol for last because I really wanted to bitch slap your early mid-life crisis, attention whore, whiny, self-absorbed face.  One, Glee Club is for students, not adolescent man-boys trying desperately to recapture their youth.  Insinuating yourself into the Glee performance at the Homecoming assembly?  Not cool, man.  That’d be like Sandy Reyerson casting himself as the male lead in the next school play.  It’s a pathetically desperate plea for attention.  Two, seriously???  The exact same car as Carl?  Why, no!  That did not at all look grasping and pitiful.  I’ve never been so happy to see Terri as I was when she busted your chops about the car.  Now, I still think Terri’s bat-shit crazy and you’d be a dumbass to hit that again, so consider for a moment the ludicrous fact that Terri was the one making sense for a moment instead of you.  This is a clue I strongly urge you to take.

Suck it up, dumbhole.  Emma is with Carl right now.  Acting like a 14-year-old boy is not going to win her back.  You won her affection in the first place by being a caring teacher who put his students first and had some dignity and self-respect.  So, put your feelings for Emma aside now, man up, and try being on your own for a while. 

And dude…NEVER again invite yourself to sing with your Glee kids.  ‘Cause that shit don’t fly.

Truly,

Izzybella

So next week, it looks like some badness is happing to Kurt’s awesome dad.  Show, if you take away Kurt’s dad from me, I mean Kurt, I will be so upset.  I mean REALLY freaking upset.  We’re talking a SCATHING diatribe from me next time.  There will be swears and threats of physical violence (that I will not be following through on because I’m not that kind of person).  Seriously, show creator Ryan Murphy, why you wanna do that for????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!