Category Archives: Advice from Izzybella

An Open Letter to Lying Liars Who Lie

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Dear Lying Liars Who Lie-

You know who you are, so I’m not naming any names.  At this point in time, I am thinking of a specific one amongst your numbers, yet he is typical of your entire breed.  So let me ‘splain a few things.  I will try to go slowly so you can take it all in.

  1. It’s much easier to tell the truth than tell a lie.  Do you know why?  Because then you aren’t stuck remembering which lie it was you actually told and don’t have to worry about getting stories straight.
  2. Most people would rather you told the truth, even if it would hurt their feelings, because that way they don’t go around assuming things that are in fact, not true and then wind up making humungous idiots out of themselves.
  3. Sometimes you can actually sneak in the truth in casual conversation.  For example, let’s say you don’t like football and someone is discussing how awesome (not) the Cowboys are–and see how I just did that…with that little “not” you now know exactly how I feel about the Dallas Cowboys–you might say, “Oh, I’m not a big fan of football, but, dude, the Dallas Stars hockey team is freakin’ awesome!”  You see how that works?  It’s nice.  And it is also the truth.
  4. Lying makes you break out in hives and has been known to cause impotency.  That may not actually be true, but it should be, and in the world I will eventually rule, I will make it so.

That is all.  Just think about it is all I’m saying.  And be glad I don’t rule the world.

The Great Red Bull Experiment

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Last weekend while working at the theatre, the Red Bull truck pulled up and offered everyone in the lobby a free can of Red Bull. I’ve never had Red Bull, but hey, supposedly it gives you wings and usually on Tuesdays I’m really low energy on account of spending all day Monday in class (till 9). So I gratefully accepted the free can and decided to save it till today (Tuesday) for an official Red Bull expirement. Since I’m low energy on Tuesdays it was the perfect opportunity.

Unfortunately the Red Bull Experiment was cut short due to the truly heinous nasty taste of Red Bull. It tastes like what I imagine foot would taste like. It’s just wrong. I managed to force half a can down before I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I think you are supposed to down the whole thing in three or four big gulps, but it’s a no-go.

I will say that the half can did not give me half-wings. I’m no more or less energetic than usual for a Tuesday. So, anyway. Red Bull? Not so much.

Holiday Greetings Ya’ll

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It’s a been a slow year for Christmas cards.  I used to get a lot of them, but so far this year I’ve only received four, and one of them was from my insurance company, and therefore does not count.  And by the by, why do insurance companies, investment firms, banks, etc. send me greeting cards?  Is it meant to imply a personal touch?  That I am, in fact, more than just a number in a database?  Because I call bullshit on that.  Based on the current balance of my checking account, I’m pretty sure I’m not the most valued customer anywhere and paying me lip service on my birthday and Christmas does not change that fact.  I would prefer it if they’d just save the money on greeting cards and postage and give me a lower interest rate.  That would make me feel valued and important.  Just a helpful tip from Izzybella.  Use it wisely.

I did not know that rant was in me.  Wow.

 So, anyway, cards.  As I was saying, I haven’t received many, but I think it’s pretty humorous that despite the scarcity this year, I still have at least one representation from the three major card categories. 

First, there are the unabashed “reason for the season” cards.  These have some type of nativity scene or picture representing the birth of Christ-there may perhaps be a scripture or a gentle reminder that Christmas is about more than gifts exchanging hands.  I confess that I go for this type frequently.  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for a good origin story.  My Southern Baptist co-worker passed along this type along with a mini-loaf of pumpkin bread that is to die for.  But I digress.  The cover of the card has one of those cute almost-cartoon-like nativity scenes with a scripture from 1 John.  I wouldn’t mind this type of card even if I weren’t a Christian.  Faith is such a deeply personal thing, so I’m flattered when someone chooses to share that with me, whether I personally dig their faith or not.

Then there’s the card with a Christmas tree or Santa Claus on the front.  They may not dwell on the reason for the season overmuch, but they aren’t afraid to wish a Merry Christmas, as opposed to your generic “Enjoy the holidays” sentiment (the third and final category).  This year’s unafraid to wish you a Merry Christmas card came from a co-worker.  Christmas tree, presents, and candy canes adorn the front cover while inside, I am wished “a Christmas that’s Merry and Bright.”  Most cards I’ve received in the past fall under this category.

Then there’s your generic card that strives for political correctness.  They don’t mention Christmas so as not to offend the population who don’t celebrate that particular holiday.  You just get a vague “Enjoy the season/holiday/happy new year” that offends no one yet is bland and sort of dull.  I received two cards of this pursuasion, one from the aforementioned insurance company and one from another co-worker. 

I still think it’s sad that the practice of sending Christmas cards seems to be waning.  I know it takes a lot of time to address all those envelopes and get them to the post.  For some of my friends, that’s the only time of year I hear from them.  That’s sad too, but it’s a fact of life.  I’d rather hear from them once a year, around Dec. 25th, than not at all.  It seems in the rush to uncomplicate our lives, we’re losing some of our best traditions.  I can live without the annual baking frenzy.  I don’t need the outside of the house to be decorated to the nines.  I’m not all that crazy about hot cider anyway.  But human contact?  That I need. 

Merry Christmas.  Happy Hanukkah.  Long Live Kwanzaa.  Enjoy Boxing Day.  (What is Boxing Day, oh wise Canadian friends?)  In short, enjoy celebrating whatever it is you cherish and love.  I’ll be sure to do likewise.

Just Say No to D0g P0rn and Other Amusing Musings

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So last night the monster asked me to take a few pictures for her.  Not that kind, dude, get your mind out of the gutter.  (And also, YUCK!)  She bought a really heavy cast iron candle stick for one friend and a chubby kitty-cat yard statue for another for Christmas.  Instead of wrapping them up, we thought it would be cool to take a picture and wrap the picture, thus ensuring no one injures him/herself during her annual group Christmas party by dropping something heavy on their foot.  Or someone else’s foot.  Whatever, you get the picture.  Hee-get the picture.  Get it?  Picture?  Because we’re talking about pictures.  Oh, I crack myself up.  Never mind.  Moving on…

So yesterday we stood the little kitty-cat statue by the Christmas tree and took some pictures.  Then we stood the monstrosity (the cast iron candle stick) by the Christmas tree and we took pictures of that.  And then we had film left in the camera.  The monster was all for just developing it anyway but I, alas, am a thrifty soul.  Not really-that’s a total lie.  But there was still film!  And we have the perfect subjects in two of the three cutest dogs in Texas.  (See how I remembered Molly?)  So I decide I’m going to take pictures of my dogs, Baxter and Cydney.  It didn’t go well.

Baxter is scared of the camera.  Whenever he gets upset or nervous he does this little shoulder slumpy, droopy eyes thing that I swear to you looks exactly like Eeyore.  It took some finagling, but finally he stopped with the Eeyore long enough for me to take a fairly decent picture (at least I think so, film won’t be developed until tomorrow).  So then I turn my attention to Cydney.  Unlike Baxter, she clearly loves the camera.  How much, you ask?  So much that she rolled over on her back and gave me the full-tummy-spread-legs effect.  I kept telling her, “sit up, honey, I don’t do dog p0rn,” and she kept not doing it.  I put the camera down, she sits back up like the elegant lady she is.  I pick up the camera and she’s on her back.  It was terribly disturbing. 

When my dad got home he managed to get them both to pose demurely (Cydney) and slightly less frightened looking than before (Baxter).  I’ve never worked so hard for dog photos in my life.  I’ll have to post them when the film is developed.

So, along with Chauceriangirl, I joined Weight Watchers.  Because positive energy loves company.  Did you see how I did that?  How I turned around the negative cliche (misery loves company) and made it all positive?  That’s reframing.  That’s right-I’m on it, ya’ll.  No, seriously, I feel pretty good about it, so much so that I feel no need to chat overmuch regarding it.   This is the best I’ve felt in ages.

This morning while I was getting ready for work, I felt something streak across my foot, so I looked down and it was a skink!  So I hollered at my monster and she was all, “Hey, there’s another Lizard in the bathroom!”  And I was like, “huh?  ANOTHER one??” and I started looking frantically around for the nest of green skinks and then I realized she meant me.  So, thanks, chauceriangirl for the lizard-breath name I will never escape as long as I live. 

Have you ever been stuck in a meeting you were not able to leave and you had to pee so bad that you wind up squeezing your legs together really tight so no pee escapes?  That totally happened to me today. 

I don’t know why I shared that.

Okay, well, I’m TMI’d out.  Ya’ll have a good day.

In Which Izzybella Does the Babble-Ramble Tango

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I was really tired on Saturday afternoon and when I’m tired I get the giggles really easily. Usually I will collapse into giggles over something not at all funny. Or maybe just a little bit funny–the kind that makes me smirk a little, but not laugh out loud. But on Saturday, I had a full-blown giggling fit. It started with my stepmother spotting what she calls a woody-one of those old-fashioned station wagons with faux woodgrain side panels. Because I’m Dirty! that always cracks me up. She honestly doesn’t get why that’s funny, which is sort of cute and endearing. But the second the first giggle escaped my lips, my dad (also apparently Dirty!) snickered too. Then right afterwards we passed a telephone repairman balancing a long pole and the monster said, “My, that telephone man has a long pole!” And I lost it. I pretty much giggled hysterically for about a half-hour while my parents looked on, bemused.

We had a MoMentuM meeting yesterday. S managed to keep us on track, a task which is kind of difficult lately. For some reason I have no focus these days. Last Tuesday when we were supposed to rehearse two of my scenes, we chose to talk about other stuff instead (e.g. the wasting of time). In fairness to me, my scene partner for the second scene was sick and couldn’t make it. But that doesn’t excuse my complete lack of motivation to rehearse the scene I do by myself. It’s really ridiculous. So yay for S being all focused and on-task. She rules.

I was talking with my co-worker E this morning and she was lamenting that she couldn’t act. Now I happen to believe everyone has a little bit of actor in them. Just look at how easily and naturally children slip into another world–no advanced actor training needed at all. Betty Buckley schmuckly. (that was such a good workshop…I love her.) Now this particular person has a lovely singing voice and is part of a gospel band with her family. I was trying to express how my very favorite musicians and singers move me because I believe that they believe what they’re singing. For example E is a gospel singer and she feels passionate about the music because she has a strong belief in God. But what if an athiest sang gospel? Would she find the same song moving? I don’t think so because the athiest wouldn’t believe what they were singing. I know that’s a simplistic take on acting and it goes a bit deeper, but if I were to boil it down to one single aspect it would be that. Skilled actors believe what they’re saying and doing is true, which enables an audience to believe it too. Thus ends my brief (thankfully) foray into performance philosophy.

My stepmonster bought me the new Kelly Clarkson CD. Just out of the blue. I like Kelly Clarkson,actually-I bought the Breakaway CD and have enjoyed it. I just thought it was cute that she did that. And then when I tried to thank her, she was all “whatever” like it wasn’t a big deal even though this is a type of thing she rarely does. She’s so odd. Probably why we get along so well. I haven’t listened yet but I read the inside jacket. It’s like Kelly went back to 1993 and visited Alanis Morrissette. Very angry. I’ll play it later today.

Okay, must get back to this work thing. I now return you to your regularly scheduled day. Tired? Have an impossibly large amount of caffiene and sugar. It’s what I would do.

Random Thoughts and a Damn Good Idea

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I had breakfast with my parents this morning. I love going out to breakfast because I enjoy eating all those breakfasty foods (eggs, bacon, toast) but I loathe making them. So eating out for breakfast is always good fun. Having said that, my advice to all and sundry is be sure and dry your hair before you go to the restaurant. This has nothing to do with fasion and everything to do with if-you-don’t-your-hair-will-smell-like-bacon-all-day. Seriously. I want another shower. Or at the very least a shampoo.

I’m at work right now. Had a few more things to do before the mass of teenagers arrives here on Monday. If I didn’t mention it before (and I’m sure I have ’cause for some reason I’m really whiney about it this year) I am on the planning and implementation committee for a conference held annually for teenagers aging out of foster care. These are GREAT kids and the purpose of the conference is to direct them to support systems that will be available when they age out and educate them on life skills. We also try to show them a good time.

This year, we’re taking the kids to Six Flags. In years past, they did this and the kids loved it. But a few years ago, the budget people in Austin dictated that state funds couldn’t be used for large amusement parks, even it was for the teenagers in care. So we did other less expensive things we could find ways of justifying. The kids always had a good time, but they made it clear on the conference evaluations (yes, we really do read them) that they wanted Six Flags back. Fortunately, some volunteers stepped up to the plate and offered to pay for the kids, so we didn’t have to use the budget money. So the kids get Six Flags this year and I get five hours to catch up my sleep. Or you know, set up for the evening workshop. Whatever. 🙂

Anyway, I came into the office to work on some last minute conference stuff. Plus I need to put together materials for the lead adult rep for each region. I’m hoping to leave by about 11:00 or so, so I suppose I should stop blogging and start working. That’d be novel, wouldn’t it.

Won’t be online much this week-the conference ends on Wednesday and then I’m taking the rest of the week off for rest, relaxation and Pedicure Friday. Hey, that should be a national holiday. Pedicure Friday. I really like the idea. Everyone gets a paid day off to go get a pedicure. Or sleep in if they aren’t fans of the pedicure. Whatever. Granted, it’s not as meaningful as say, Memorial Day, when we remember and honor our military men and women who died in service of our country. Or Mother’s Day, when we suck up to Mom and buy her flowers and candy in order to appease her for the crappy way we treat her the rest of the year. Kidding-that’s my step-mother’s rant, not mine. Besides I just gave her a used card and a $5 Sonic gift card. What? The card was Hallmark and all. And very funny, honest. I would like to tell you I was kidding about the Sonic gift card, but I’m not. I really truly bought her that. It’s an inside joke. Trust me-she laughed. And hey, Mom got actual flowers. And a loving long-distance telephone call. I swear. Anyway the point is if we have a whole week for broccoli, why not one little day for pedicures? It would make the world a much happier place.

Okay, I’m outta here. Be good.

Heroes

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Last night I saw the premiere of the new NBC series, Heroes. So. Good. I really enjoyed it. The series is about a group of people entering the next stage of evolution (how very X-Men light). There’s a guy who can fly, one who can bend the time/space continuum and teleport, an artist who reflects future events in his painting; a woman whose mirror image can take control of her body for brief periods of time; and an indestructible cheerleader who, in the first episode, jumps off an 80-foot beam, runs through fire, and, on purpose, sticks her hand in the garbage disposal, only to emerge unscathed.

Each character is just beginning to realize something about him/herself isn’t quite right, and they seem to have an instinctive idea as to what it is that makes them different. It’s like watching a bunch of different origin stories all in one show. I tend to enjoy superhero origin stories, so this was just kind of fun. I especially liked the guy who can bend space/time. He’s so genuinely delighted with his new-found skill. It’s very charming!

They unabashedly embraced the comic-bookiness of the concept and they even managed to surprise me in one segment. The concept is so unbelievably cheesy, but they’re really making it work. I hope the show has some staying power, because the story intrigues me. Previews for next week’s episode have one of the characters finding a comic book that appears to feature himself as the main character having the adventures he had in the first episode of the series. I’m actually looking forward to next Monday night. How very strange. 🙂

Anyway, I recommend. NBC is airing an encore of the premiere tonight