izzybella

I saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince Tuesday night with chauceriangirl.  It was a blast.  Before the movie started, we played our traditional game of “Who Would You Do?”  We came up with some really odd choices (for example, Bilbo Baggins or Professor Flitwick) and some truly inspired choicecs (David Tennant’s Dr. Who or Spike).  For many, many years CG’s ultimate who-would-you-do was Spike, but this time, she chose Dr. Who.  You should have seen the look of surprise on her face when she realized Spike had been demoted to the #2 spot.  I think her crush snuck up on her.  It was pretty funny.

The movie started a few minutes late, but it was worth the wait.  I think this is my favorite of all the Potter movies so far.  It was really well done–the actors are all growed up and they let the characters grow up as well.  It was funnier than most of the movies, but also very dark.  It would switch it up fast too, for instance, I was laughing so hard, I was practically crying during Ron’s love potion scene, and then one split second later I was holding CG’s hand anxiously over Ron’s poisoning scene.  Even though I have read the books more times than I can count and knew Ron was going to be fine, I was still anxious.  It was just really well-done.  The only thing lacking was Sunshine’s presence.  It would have been perfect if she’d been there, but at least she was there in spirit.  And she saw the movie that night too, just in her new home town.

I got home very late and had a bit of a difficult time falling asleep.  I think I drifted off sometime around 4:30…  I was due into work by noon the next day, but didn’t even wake up until  11:26.  I called my coworker to tell her I’d be later than noon, but she told me that there was really nothing in the box to check and it was a really quiet day, so I wound up taking the whole day off.  I slept all day-it was AWESOME.  That’ s not something I get to do very often.  I thought I wouldn’t sleep last night for all the sleep I got yesterday, but instead I slept like a rock and woke up naturally (without the alarm clock) about 6:30 this a.m.

I had trouble sleeping last night-my mind wouldn’t shut up.  I don’t know if it’s the darkness or the solitude, but every little problem past and present seems magnified at two in the morning. 

Yesterday, I obtained a copy of my credit report-I do that every year just to review and make sure everything looks good.  I noticed that a joint account I shared with my ex-husband that I thought was closed, wasn’t.  It’s not a huge deal as he’s been paying on the loan, but it should have been closed after the divorce.  I called the bank and they were very courteous, but refused to take my name off the loan since there was a balance owed still.  They recommended I contact J, which is rather difficult for me seeing as how I don’t even know where he lives, much less do I have his phone number.  So they tried calling him and they’re writing him a letter to let him know that he needs to close that loan out and open a new one in his own name.  It’s not a huge issue-J is perfectly reasonable and a decent person.  I’m sure he’ll take care of it.  It’s just that it got me thinking about things.

Most people don’t go into marriage with a contingency plan-I certainly didn’t.  I married him because I loved him.  But I made a lot of mistakes in that marriage that I wish I could take back.  Too late now, obviously.  But at two o’clock in this morning I was curled up in a ball agonizing over stupid things I have done.  Not just in my marriage, but in general.

One thing led to another and I had a mental list going.  It started with J, extended to mistakes I have made with family and with friends, snaked it’s slimy way back to high school (my twenty year reunion, which I can’t go to, is at the end of the month) and all the stupid things I did there.  People I hurt.  Opportunities I didn’t take.  People I could have saved.  Choices I made or should have made-the ways my life was harder because of some ill-advised action on my part.  My relationship, or lack thereof, with God and how I’m angry at Him, and that is the most pointless thing of all–to be angry at God.  But there it is. 

So what do I do?  Do I forget about the two o’clock in the morning despair and say “hey, it’s morning, everything is much better,” or do I do something with the despair?  I guess I’m lucky that I can still feel, that I have a home and family and friends who care deeply for me.  I really hate that 2 o’clock in the morning feeling.

I just got back from the post office to mail (certified mail) my ticket to the municipal court.  Did I mention I got a speeding ticket?  I did.  It was a thrilling way to start last Thursday morning.  I’m requesting probation, which will, provided I don’t get another ticket in the next six months, ensure the ticket is dismissed.  What drives me crazy??  How chipper the officer was.  Like he just didn’t give me a written slap-down, and he’s all “hey, like your new car…hope you have a great day…life is beautiful…”   Yeah, yeah, shut up.  Don’t spread your sunshine over my cloud of grey.  Big happy doofus.  I’m less crabby now.    Honest.

I am at lunch right now.  I brought my lunch today-tuna noodle salad and crackers.  It’s not the ultimate comfort food (that would be macaroni and cheese), but it’s a definite summer comfort food.  And the monster makes really good tuna noodle salad, too.

We’re having a quiet season at work right now.  I’m having to find stuff to do, which I’m not entirely used to.  It seems lately like it’s been feast or famine where work is concerned.  I prefer the feast as it makes the day go by faster.  And work-mom is taking tomorrow and Friday off, so not only will it be slow, it will be super quiet and lonely.  I’ll miss work-mom!!

Texas is hot right now.  It makes me miss Utah a little bit-not that it doesn’t get hot there-it definitely does.  But it doesn’t get quite so humid there.  For the most part, one hundred degrees in Salt Lake City, Utah feels like one hundred degrees with the heat index, not one hundred and nine degrees.  But Texas summer is the price we pay for Texas winter.  Texas winter is awesome.  Unless you love, love, love snow, in which case you’d probably prefer Utah winter.

I’m rambling.  I’m done rambling…

My brother, Lunatic Writer is giving up smoking.  I know how hard a battle (uphill barefoot in the snow both ways) that is for him.  It inspires me, so I made him a deal for our mutual health benefit.  For every day he goes without smoking, that’s a day I will go without eating at a fast food restaurant.  Currently I owe him 70 fast-food free hours.  Wish us both luck…