izzybella

Someone just gave me some pictures of me and Faithie from about five years ago and I felt the need to throw them on my website.  Isn’t Faithie pretty?

• Mytheatre box office boss is tall.  He is a very tall man.  I am sitting in his tall man chair and it’s very uncomfortable.  I have a new-found appreciation for my office chair at my full-time job.  They bought it for me special.  It’s a very comfortable chair.
• It’s quiet today here at the box office (hence the blupdating).  We’re almost sold out for tonight’s show and we have only the last 2 rows for tomorrow’s matinee.  That’s a good thing for theatre, bad thing for me.  ‘Cause I’m bored.  See, the chair was uncomfortable last weekend too, but I was too busy to notice.  Today it’s all shhhhyyy and my butt hurts.
• School started only two weeks ago and I have already bitten off all my fingernails.  Grannie would be so disappointed in me.  She would roll her eyes, fold my fingers under, sigh deeply, and pat my hand.  Sorry, Gran.  But I still love you.
• They’re rehearsing something upstairs-the youth performers.  It’s very interesting-I can tell when they’re performing and when they’re just chatting and it’s not just volume.  The cadence of their voices loses something when they’re just chatting.  Don’t get me wrong-they’re natural performers.  It’s just that there’s something soothing about stage voice.  You probably have to be a stage dork to get this one…
• I’m worried about my mom.  Mommy if you’re reading this, you need to call me and tell me how you’re doing. 
• I saw Push last night.  It was pretty good.  Not great, but good.  Dakota Fanning is gettin’ all growed up.  Her skirt was too short.  Way.  But great hair. 
• The kids are out of rehearsal now and they’re just goofing off.  This one boy has a terrific singing voice.  He’s in there singing and playing piano.  He has a bright future ahead of him.  Hope he remembers me when he rules the universe.
• Damn, now one of the girls is dueting with him and she’s even better.  I suddenly feel very untalented.  These kids rock.
• I’ve been 45 minutes and the phone has only rung twice.  One sale for tomorrow’s matinee-one guy who thought we were a movie theatre. 

Okay, here endeth the randomness.  I’ll find some other way to blow time…

I used to be an exercise fiend.  I worked out every day without fail and I loved it.  I stopped exercising though.  There are reasons.  They’re all stupid ones, but there were reasons.  I keep making goals to get back to exercising and I keep falling through on them.  I kept thinking, it will be fun again.  I’ll love doing it again-I just have to keep doing it and not quit.  And inevitably, I’d quit anyway.  And then tonight I remembered what I had forgotten.

It was never exercise for the sake of exercise.  I didn’t even start it the first time thinking wow, I really wanna lose some weight.  Know what happened?  I got annoyed at my monster.  I wanted peace and quiet.  I wanted solitude.  I found it impossible to get it at home-even closing the door and doing breathing exercises didn’t work because you can’t be in a house with the monster and have solitude.  It’s virtually impossible.  So I decided to take a walk.  It wasn’t about exercise, it was about getting away.  And that first walk was awesome.  It was the perfect windy day-70 degrees, sunny.  Nice.  I didn’t hear the dulcet tones of the monster; I heard the wind whipping leaves about the street, scattering in every direction.  I heard dogs barking, defending their territory.  I heard children playing in the far off distance.  They were good sounds-quiet enough that I could hear me too.  I could hear all the internal whirring.  I could hear myself think.  It was never about exercise.  Oh, it became that way to a certain extent when my body started getting smaller and I started pushing it to see what it could do.  But more than anything else, it was my time just for me.  I walked alone and thought alone and pushed myself alone and then when I was done I was comforted that I had home to go to.  I felt blessed.

I walked tonight and it was the perfect day-70 degrees and the wind was blowing and I remembered.  And now I don’t think it will be so hard to keep that exercise goal because I don’t even have one anymore.  Just a goal to spend time with myself, for myself, outdoors where the wind kisses my face and I’m happy.  I’m really glad I remembered what I forgot.