izzybella

I had trouble sleeping last night-my mind wouldn’t shut up.  I don’t know if it’s the darkness or the solitude, but every little problem past and present seems magnified at two in the morning. 

Yesterday, I obtained a copy of my credit report-I do that every year just to review and make sure everything looks good.  I noticed that a joint account I shared with my ex-husband that I thought was closed, wasn’t.  It’s not a huge deal as he’s been paying on the loan, but it should have been closed after the divorce.  I called the bank and they were very courteous, but refused to take my name off the loan since there was a balance owed still.  They recommended I contact J, which is rather difficult for me seeing as how I don’t even know where he lives, much less do I have his phone number.  So they tried calling him and they’re writing him a letter to let him know that he needs to close that loan out and open a new one in his own name.  It’s not a huge issue-J is perfectly reasonable and a decent person.  I’m sure he’ll take care of it.  It’s just that it got me thinking about things.

Most people don’t go into marriage with a contingency plan-I certainly didn’t.  I married him because I loved him.  But I made a lot of mistakes in that marriage that I wish I could take back.  Too late now, obviously.  But at two o’clock in this morning I was curled up in a ball agonizing over stupid things I have done.  Not just in my marriage, but in general.

One thing led to another and I had a mental list going.  It started with J, extended to mistakes I have made with family and with friends, snaked it’s slimy way back to high school (my twenty year reunion, which I can’t go to, is at the end of the month) and all the stupid things I did there.  People I hurt.  Opportunities I didn’t take.  People I could have saved.  Choices I made or should have made-the ways my life was harder because of some ill-advised action on my part.  My relationship, or lack thereof, with God and how I’m angry at Him, and that is the most pointless thing of all–to be angry at God.  But there it is. 

So what do I do?  Do I forget about the two o’clock in the morning despair and say “hey, it’s morning, everything is much better,” or do I do something with the despair?  I guess I’m lucky that I can still feel, that I have a home and family and friends who care deeply for me.  I really hate that 2 o’clock in the morning feeling.

I just got back from the post office to mail (certified mail) my ticket to the municipal court.  Did I mention I got a speeding ticket?  I did.  It was a thrilling way to start last Thursday morning.  I’m requesting probation, which will, provided I don’t get another ticket in the next six months, ensure the ticket is dismissed.  What drives me crazy??  How chipper the officer was.  Like he just didn’t give me a written slap-down, and he’s all “hey, like your new car…hope you have a great day…life is beautiful…”   Yeah, yeah, shut up.  Don’t spread your sunshine over my cloud of grey.  Big happy doofus.  I’m less crabby now.    Honest.

I am at lunch right now.  I brought my lunch today-tuna noodle salad and crackers.  It’s not the ultimate comfort food (that would be macaroni and cheese), but it’s a definite summer comfort food.  And the monster makes really good tuna noodle salad, too.

We’re having a quiet season at work right now.  I’m having to find stuff to do, which I’m not entirely used to.  It seems lately like it’s been feast or famine where work is concerned.  I prefer the feast as it makes the day go by faster.  And work-mom is taking tomorrow and Friday off, so not only will it be slow, it will be super quiet and lonely.  I’ll miss work-mom!!

Texas is hot right now.  It makes me miss Utah a little bit-not that it doesn’t get hot there-it definitely does.  But it doesn’t get quite so humid there.  For the most part, one hundred degrees in Salt Lake City, Utah feels like one hundred degrees with the heat index, not one hundred and nine degrees.  But Texas summer is the price we pay for Texas winter.  Texas winter is awesome.  Unless you love, love, love snow, in which case you’d probably prefer Utah winter.

I’m rambling.  I’m done rambling…

My brother, Lunatic Writer is giving up smoking.  I know how hard a battle (uphill barefoot in the snow both ways) that is for him.  It inspires me, so I made him a deal for our mutual health benefit.  For every day he goes without smoking, that’s a day I will go without eating at a fast food restaurant.  Currently I owe him 70 fast-food free hours.  Wish us both luck…

It’s my Friday!!!  That is good.  The first thing I did this morning was clean up dog poop and dog pee.  That is bad.  I haven’t caught her in the act, but I know it’s our foster dog, Cella. For some reason she’s squeamish about going outside unless we take her out the front yard on the leash.  Apparently she’s too good for the backyard.  If we could just catch her in the act we could “bad dog” her, but “bad dog-ing” her after the fact does no good.  She has no idea what she’s being reprimanded for.  Ah, the joys of pet ownership…

On the plus side, today is my Friday.  As of 6:30 this evening, my weekend begins.  I have huge plans…HUGE.  I’m taking Syd to the vet on Friday and doing laundry.  I may or may not go to Six Flags on Saturday, not sure.  I’m kind of not wanting to because of the heat.  I am a it’s-too-hot wimp.  It’s supposed to be in the 100’s.  I fry in the sun.  No pretty tanning for me-nope-I get bright red like a cherry tomato.  Not pretty.

Today is my brother’s birthday.  Happy birthday, lunatic.  (I’m not insulting him…he picked that name all on his own.)

This is all the randomness for today.  Be good and have a good weekend.

My Sydney doesn’t have cancer!!!!!  Our vet said she did because of an x-ray, but we got an ultra-sound today and there is no cancer at all.  There is a blockage in her larnyx that’s been causing her to throw up and that’s still there, but it isn’t terminal.  So, we have to give her anti-nausea medication and deal with the occasional doggy puke.  It’s worth it for all the love she gives!!  Here’s some Syd pics…

My work-mom is gone today and the office is very quiet.  I’ve already done most of my daily duties and it’s not even noon yet.  I get a lot more done a lot quicker when I’m not shooting the breeze with work mom.  This is probably an argument for separating the two of us.

It has been one of those weeks.  Nothing bad has happened to me, per se, but to my family and friends, it’s been difficult.  Something happened to cg’s back and she’s barely able to move without severe back pain.  Friend’s puppy dog died, plus she’s having car trouble.  Monster having trouble with work-that’ll improve over time, but right now she’s been working some seriously long hours.  I try to help all of them, but there’s really nothing I can say that will make it all better.  It’s just one of those things where all you can do is listen and sympathize, which is nice, but makes me feel sort of helpless, and does no real good in the long run.

Hoping the weekend will bring some relief to all.  Saturday, I’m taking foster dog to a Meet N Greet, where we’re expecting a family who has already expressed interest in her to show up.  They’re bringing their dog to see if she and Cella play well together.  I’m hoping it’s a good fit.  Cella is a sweet, sweet girl.

Super cute, right?

Going on Sunday to see a movie with one of my best friends and maybe do lunch.  Depends on time and money.  She needs to laugh and have a good time ’cause this week has really kind of sucked for her.  It really has just been one of those weeks that makes you go boogity-boo.  Maybe I should write a little letter to the fates or the PTB…something like:

Dear Sirs-

My friends and family have had a tough go of it recently.  While I appreciate the adage about what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, I really think they could all use a break.  I know it isn’t my place to demand one, so therefore, I humbly request with all my heart that you cut them all a little slack and give them a brief breather.  Just out of the goodness of your heart.  Pretty please?

Thanks for your consideration,

Izzybella

I just found out that one of my co-workers was scammed.  I won’t get into the details because they’re devastating and not mine to share, but I feel so badly for her.  The thing I wanted to point out though is that she is a highly intelligent woman holding a PhD and employed as a university professor.  They scammed her, not because they were smarter than her, but because they played on her emotions–on something she wanted badly, and she was the victim of fraud.  It’s interesting to me because when you think back on it, a lot of scam victims can see, in retrospect, that the offer was too good to be true or there was just something off about it to begin with.  But the people who perpetrate them are successful because they are playing on need and emotion.  They don’t have to scam everyone-just one person is enough for them sometimes.  My coworker is devastated and my heart goes out to her.  There aren’t any words I can say to make it better.

It’s just been one of those weeks where bad things are happening to good people.  People I like.  I want to say the magic words that will make everything all better, but I don’t think those words exist.  Anyway, if you’re a praying person, please include my coworker in your prayers.  She’s a good person and thought she was doing a good thing and now she’s devastated.

I promised Sunshine I’d blog even about the lame stuff, so here’s some random lameness for you.  I had my first ever QT lunch today!!  It was only $2.39.  I had two taquitos and a 32 oz. diet Dr. Pepper.  No, it was not healthy.  Yes, it was tasty.  Yes, it was super-cheap!!!!  Gas station lunches are not for the every day, but for the every now and then, they rock!!!!  I think it’s really the cheap that knocks my socks off.  Does this mean I’m a cheapskate at heart?  If so, I’m okay with that.

And Teen Conference is over.  I’m so glad.  It’s always such a chore while I’m working on it, but worthwhile when it’s over and I can reflect back on it.  This year’s conference was pretty successful-only one minor glitch involving the movie night after the kids got back from Six Flags.  The movie kept starting itself over.  Turns out they wanted to watch the basketball game anyway, so no great shakes.  I’m sorry the movie didn’t work out, but glad they got to watch the game on the big screen television in the residence hall.  I didn’t have to stay over in the dorms this year, either, which was nice.  I don’t mind doing it, actually, but I sleep a lot better in my own bed.  So it’s over and will soon be time to start the planning process all over again for next year!

The monster and I are fostering a dog right now–her name is Marcella and she’s from the Lab Rescue.  She’s a four year old yellow labrador retriever.  Very sweet, but very stubborn.  She doesn’t mind anything I say unless she already wants to do it.  And, though the monster does everything she can to keep Cella off the furniture, Cella keeps jumping up on the ottoman anyway, looking all innocent, like “what, this is a problem?”  Well, yes, Marcella, it is a problem, just like it was yesterday and the day before that.  And she can be such an irritating beast, but then she’ll lean against you just so and put her paw on your arm and “hug” you and you melt like butter.  She’s the perfect dog about 90% of the time and the other 10% she’s … not.  Honestly, though, even with her faults, we’ll have no trouble placing her.  She’s just a young lab and they have lots of energy.  We just need to find a family that doesn’t mind dogs on furniture, ’cause that’s a losing battle.

Saw Sunshine and Pasta Man and V yesterday evening.  Sunshine and Pasta Man are moving to AZ this week and I will miss them very much.  I don’t know Pasta Man extremely well, but I like what I know.  And Sunshine is just like her name-sunshiney and joyful.  I’m sorry for me, but happy for them.  I think they will really love their new home, but I’ll still miss them.  I’m glad V is home for the summer and can I say V looks fabulous?  I think I can.  I think I just did. 

Today starts the beginning of my four-day work-weeks.  It’s a summertime flex schedule where I work four ten-hour days and take the fifth day off.  I had yesterday off this week, but I’ll be taking Fridays most weeks.  Yesterday was great.  I did a whole lot of nothing.  Slept.  Showered.  Played with dogs.  Visited V and Sunshine and Pasta Man.  Just really relaxing. 

Sunday was the monster’s birthday, so I spent much of the weekend with her.  It was a pretty quiet weekend, actually.  Just what I needed after Teen Conference.

I think I’m rambling.  I’ll end this now. Hope all of you are happy!!!