Spoiled Rotten

That’s me.  Spoiled rotten.  I can’t even work up a respectable self-pity episode when I’m so completely and thoroughly spoiled by the people around me.  See it’s my birthday and I’m 40.  I know, I know I don’t look a day over 39, but it’s true.  I’ve been feeling…well…sorry for myself.  I mean as a youth I had an idea where my life would be and how it would look at 40 and, I’m telling you, there is absolutely no resemblance between my expectations and my reality.  I was prepared for rampant depression, comfort eating, and perhaps a bit of wallowing.  Instead I got BFF’d.  Have you ever seen the television show, “How I Met Your Mother?”  Every time Marshall successfully argues a point with his friends he follows it up with the word, “Lawyered!”  It’s funny because he is a lawyer.  Maybe you had to be there.  Anyway, I was not lawyered.  I was BFF’d.

L2 whisked me away first to Freebirds, where I disappointed her expectations by not ordering a burrito.  We did get chocolate next door at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  We then went to Fresco’s in Arlington where I had a pedicure and a haircut.  The pedicure was an experience because, well, I kind of maybe haven’t shaved my legs in three weeks.  What?  It’s been cold and I’ve been wearing jeans and boots.  No need.  So I was pretty embarrassed by my Chewbacca leg-do, but I pedicured up anyway.  I have sparkly burgundy toes now.  Then I cut off my hair-it’s kind of short now, but I really like it.  BFF then took me to Half Price Books where we spent all of ten minutes before leaving abruptly for El Gabby’s, where as it turns out, a whole host of friends and family were waiting for me.  L2 gave me a good old-fashioned surprise party.  I got bling, I got seriously good hot chocolate k-cups, and I got…wow, and hard to find the words, I have deleted and retyped this exactly five times.  L2 and Work Aunt got together and collected for my cruise fund.  I don’t know how much is in the jar, but it’s a lot.  I’ll count it later, right now I am kind of basking in the idea of a cruise, but more importantly I’m basking in the idea that so many people thought to contribute to it.

See, I can whine all day about how old I feel or how I’m middle aged now, or blah wah wah, boo hoo, but the truth is that age has brought me time to find and make friends, the kind of friends who will unselfishly think up a good idea and run with it just because they want the gratification of seeing someone else have a good day.  The kind of people who will give of themselves, whether it’s time or just some goofy ass sense of humor that turns out to be much needed.  And the kind of people who let you do for them in turn.

Yes, L2, I had a good day.  I did tear up even if you didn’t get quite the reaction you were hoping for (complete and total shock v. tears).  What made me cry tonight (and made me get up in the middle of the night to type it out because I couldn’t sleep until I did) was the fact that you would go to all that trouble for ME.  That my friends think enough of me to just to sign a card or show up for dinner, much less work together to give me such a gift.  The fact that everything did that for me?  It’s sort of leaving me gobsmacked.  From the bottom of my (sober) heart, thank you for being there and for reminding me that 40 is an opportunity, not a tragedy.

Here’s to another 40 with all my friends…

Disturbing Search Terms

The incomparable Chauceriangirl and I were curious, so we looked at all the search terms used to find our respective blogs.  One of the most common terms to find me?  DOG PORN.  That’s right.  There are people on the earth who type DOG PORN into their search engines.  I can only hope they’re looking in the spirit in which my original post was intended-a joke about how my dog, Sydney, does porny poses when I try to take cute dog photographs.  They never work and the picture never gets taken because I am APPALLED.  Not only DOG PORN, but DOG AND CAT PORN and HARD DOG PORN.  That is disgusting, people.  If you found my blog through this particular search phrase, DOG PORN, click the back arrow.  I do not have what you are looking for.

Chauceriangirl’s were much less disturbing although it did include “Melanie Lynskey Farts.”  No DOG PORN for my sister, blessed be. 

Memey Goodness

53 Questions That You May Not Have Seen Before

• Instructions: You should know these by now.
• 1: What do you put on hotdogs? Catsup, mustard, relish
• 2: Do you say “anticlimatic” or “anticlimactic”? I say anticlimactic.  I think that’s right…
• 3: Do you check flyers before grocery shopping? Sometimes
• 4: Blue, black, or some other colour pen ink? Blue
• 5: Do you use your parking brake? Yes
• 6: Look to your left. How many framed pictures are on the wall? No framed pictures, but I’m at the theatre office right now and there’s an adorable photo strip to my left of my boss and his fantabulous good-smelling partner.
• 7: Do you know how to play chess? Nope
• 8: How often do you clean the interior of your car? About once a quarter whether it needs it or not.
• 9: Do you ever read the last few pages first? I’ve been known to cheat, but I will say reading from my nook makes it a LOT more difficult.
• 10: Ever fallen in the shower? Yes, twice.
• 11: On a scale of 1-10, how likely are you to swear at other drivers? 10, I’m kind of an ass when I’m stuck in traffic
• 12: What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Probably a bitch, but that’s not necessarily an insult.
• 13: Do you have a Snuggie? Yes, at work and I use it too!
• 14: Are you allergic to anything? Not that i know of…oh wait, there’s a pain killer (lortab?) that makes me all itchy.
• 15: Do you have any TV shows on DVD? Yes, Buffy, Angel, Freaks and Geeks, Gilmore Girls, True Blood, Wonderfalls, Alias
• 16: How many times do you hit the snooze button before finally getting out of bed? I ignore my alarm clock altogether.  It’s a special skill.
• 17: Ever driven away in anger? Yes.
• 18: What’s your favourite freezie colour?  What the hell’s a freezie?
• 19: Are you a vegetarian? No.  I love steak. Medium rare, grilled to perfection. If it needs steak sauce, that is NOT a good sign of a good steak.
• 20: Do you have a garbage receptacle beside you? What’s on top?Just got emptied, so nothing.
• 21: Do you cross out your mistakes or erase/whiteout them? Cross them out.
• 22: Ever torn something up that you instantly knew was too important for such treatment? Yes.
• 23: Do you think that things will get better? I HOPE that things will get better.  Does that count?
• 24: Do you have an unpopular opinion? What is it? I tend to vote democrat in family full of republicans.  So I have a lot of unpopular opinions if you judge that way.
• 25: What’s your favourite quote? I can’t think of anything right now because my mind is busily imagining chaucerian girl correcting your grammar to “quotation.”
• 26: Did you/are you going to go to prom? I did go.  It was okay, but I had a 12:30 curfew.  No really.
• 27: What’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? Slamming my hand in the car door. 
• 28: What’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced? The end of my marriage.
• 29: Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? Maybe??  The dude in the car in front me was having a grand mal seziure and I called 911 and kept him from choking on his vomit before the paramedics got there.  They told me I probably saved his life and my friend N called me Batgirl for the next three months, so I’ll say yes.  I have saved a life.  Who’s your daddy?
• 30: What’s your favourite book genre? Paranormal and mysteries.
• 31: Did you like “Gigli”? Be honest. I honestly never saw it.
• 32: Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? Yes.
• 33: Do you peek between your fingers during the scary scenes? Hell no.  I cover my eyes all together and ask the person I’m with to tell me when it’s over.
• 34: What was your reaction to Tatum getting killed whilst stuck in the pet door in Scream? Okay, I know I’m in the minority, but I couldn’t get into Scream.  I’ve never finished it.  Thanks for spoiling, Dude.  KIDDING.
• 35: Do dogs like you? Yes, by and large, dogs tend to like me.  Especially with BBQ sauce.  KIDDING.  They like me.  They really, really like me.
• 36: Would you say that you project an air of authority? I don’t think so but I did manage to itimidate some freshmen when I was a senior in college, so maybe?
• 37: Do people listen when you speak? Yes.  And then they laugh at me.  It’s very sad.
• 38: How are your elbows? Are they okay? I haven’t asked them lately, but I assume they’re fine.
• 39: What is one thing that you do exceptionally well? Be honest. Okay, there’s no way this is not going to sound vain, but I really am a decent actor.  I even have awards.  No, really…
• 40: Do you use torrents? I don’t know what that means.
• 41: When was the last time you paid for music? I bought Adele 19 from the Apple store about a week ago.
• 42: Are you addicted to technology? Nah, I don’t think so.  I feel confident I could give it up as long as I still had books.
• 43: Pick a person (you don’t need to give their name). How do you feel about them? Be as honest as you can get yourself to be. My best friend and the reason I keep going when life gets difficult.
• 44: Do you check your computer’s dictionary for the definition of words you’d otherwise feel confident about using during in-person interactions? Just to be sure? No, but I do have a Webster’s dictionary on my desk that I frequently check when I’m trying to use big words.
• 45: How heavily to you rely on spellcheck and autocorrect? I rely heavily in the sense that spell check changes “teh” to “the” and other minor typos like that.  But I don’t trust grammar correct as far as I can throw it and spell check isn’t much better.
• 46: Have you ever gotten into an argument on the internet? Did you win? I do not Internet fight.  It is a useless waste of time and only encourages trolls.  I usually disagree quietly and move on with my day.
• 47: Do you pause movies/TV shows if you have to go to the bathroom or the kitchen, or do you just let them keep playing? I don’t have a DVR so I usually hold it till commercials and then I go. 
• 48: If you use a regular alarm clock, do you have it set to music or that obnoxious beeping? N/A
• 49: Peter Pan? What about him?
• 50: How often do you fall up the stairs? It has happened a time or four.
• 51: Do you pronounce “anti” as ant-eye or ant-ee? (Example: “That scene was very anticlimactic.”) ant-eye
• 52: Do you pronounce “via” as vee-uh or vie-uh? (Example: “We can get there via Tremont Street.”) vie-uh
• 53: How often do you forget to close your parentheses? It’s happened before.

The Scientific Method

Just read my sister’s post about one highly scientific experiment she conducted in her youth and it reminded me of many of the highly scientific experiments I conducted as well, with and without her help.

For example, despite the illustrations in the Beverly Cleary books, a tube of toothpaste, when emptied, will NOT fill up the sink entirely.  It won’t even go a full city block.  It will however bleach said pavement so well that the bleached line will still be visible three years later.

Ants will bite your tongue if you put them in your mouth.

Putting water on your hand then placing your hand on a hot stove doesn’t cool the stove down.

Yuck Nail does not work on a truly dedicated nail biter.

Cats do usually land on their feet even if slung upside down.  This was a highly dangerous experience by the way which earned me multiple scratches and a good spanking from my mother.

When the server says “be careful, the plate is hot,” they are not kidding.  Don’t touch it.

It is possible to kill a cactus from not watering enough.

How about you, dear reader?  Any scientific facts you learned the hard way?

Randomness 9/13/2011 Edition

I have a lot of stuff to do at work right now.  Like seriously, I’m overwhelmed.  The moment I complete one task I get two more and while I’m grateful just to have a job in this economy, I’m exhausted.  And clearly on the whiny side of life.  Naturally, instead of tackling my miles long to-do list, I must immediately do a blupdate because (1) it’s been forever and I think I may have lost my two followers and (2) it gives me the illusion of having any type of life outside of work. 

You know how some people are leaders and some are followers?  And supposedly being a leader is best because it looks good on your resume and it means you are a go-get-em kind of person, which is the kind of person many people admire.  Me?  I think I am a follower and I’m finally okay with that.  I can have good ideas here and there but I’m not a blazer of new trails.  Part of me is disappointed in this severe lack of get up and go, but the other part of me is just fine with that.  If everyone was a leader going forth and blazing new trails then the entire world would be one huge mass of intersecting trails going nowhere and doing nothing.  A leader may blaze the trail, but the followers are the ones who stomp the trail into submission.  We have value, too-it’s just a matter of having the intelligence to figure out which leader to follow.  Don’t knock the followers.  Unless they’re brainless zombie like drones, in which case, have at it.

I’m eating half of a left-over mushroom swiss burger for lunch.  It’s not very WW friendly, which was why I only ate half of it to begin with last Saturday.  I’m so stressed out this week and it’s triggered my gnoshing buttons.  I envy people who lose weight when they are stressed because I am the opposite of that.  And I’m doing well on my weight loss goals except for not this week.  This week I am dreading the scale and trying to figure out exactly how much a person can gain from one king sized Mr. Goodbar. 

I visited the awesome-accept-no-substitutes Chauceriangirl over the weekend.  We didn’t really do much-just walked around and talked, had dinner.  When it was time for me to leave, I said something along the lines of “I must leave now” and Emmy Lou Who, the dog, replied “BARK, NO, BARK BARK!!”  And it made me laugh.  It’s possible you had to be there.  But I thought it was terribly cute.

Texas did it.  It beat the hellaciously hot record set in 1980 for the most 100 degree days in one season.  It happened today in fact.  Just this afternoon.  Texans like to brag about stuff like this, but I’d be glad to have left 1980 as the record holder.  This last summer was just wrong and evil.  It’s pathetic when 90 degrees seems cool and breezy in comparison.  I’m just saying.

I’m “reading” (book on CD during the work commute) a series by Kim Harrison called “The Hollows.”  The first two books were narrated by this fabulous actor who I absolutely loved listening to, but the the one I’m on now is a new actor and her performance suffers in comparison.  She sounds more like an accountant than a bad-ass witch demon-summoner with a heart of gold.  I want the first actor back.  Love the story, though, especially the character of Jenks.  He’s a pixie and he swears the most fabulous curses.  “Tink’s titties!”  “Tink’s a Disney whore!” “Oh, for the sweet humpin’ love of Tink!” “Tink’s panties!” And my personal favorite: “Tagged by a whiny little vamp,” he said gesturing. “Rache, take this sword and stick it in me. Just go and stick it in me. I’m a back-drafted, crumpled-winged, dust-caked, dew-assed excuse of a backup. Worthless as a pixy condom. Taken down by my own partner. Just tape my ass shut and let me fart out my mouth.”   He’s so vile.  And awesome.

Okay, I’m shutting down the randomness now.  Sadly, my 30 minutes of screwing off must come to end.  The 1/2 burger was eaten and randomness spewed forth.  Hope you enjoyed.

Remodeling

My bedroom was remodeled and because I have no class I thought I’d paste pictures of it all over the interweb.  Enjoy.

Before #1 – Please kindly pretend to ignore the mess.

Before #2 – No, that is NOT a used tissue hanging by my phone.  How dare you insinuate such a thing.

During #1 – What?  Built in bookcases??  I just died and went to heaven.

During #2 – Pretty…

After #1 – Note the astounding lack of used tissue.

 

After #2 (Heh-heh.  After #2.  Yes, I’m a 12 year old boy.)

The contents on the bed include my sister’s Coldwater Creek order, a catalog I’m passing her way and a book called Texas Gothic by Rosemary Clement-Moore, which I am so far really enjoying.  Nice, amirite?

Lying Liars Who Lie: A Blupdate for Chauceriangirl

Okay, so I see her almost every week and text or email her almost every day, yet still the girl who loves Chaucer wants an update.  In the comments of my last post in which only yalayla offered to do my work for me, ChaucerianGirl shared a lie I once told.  As lies go, it was a harmless one.  I have also done the traditional lies: “Yes, the bill is in the mail” when actually I’m furiously writing the check out just now and will drop it off on my way to work.  I also admit to fabricating a dead family member when I needed extended time to finish a paper for my social work class.  Ironic, considering social work’s focus on ethical behavior.  I know that it sounds weird, an actor trying to put across the message that she’s bad at lying, but I kind of am.  There’s a difference between playing a character and flat-out fibbing to someone.  I can lie if I don’t know you very well, but if we’re friends, you’ll probably figure out right away that I’m lying.  I have massive tells, so unless they’re remarkably non-observant, I can’t get away with fibbing to my friends.  This leads to awkward statements like “Yeah, that’s not really a flattering outfit,” but on the plus side, it also means that when I tell you that you look pretty, I mean it.

That’s my story, anyway, and I’m sticking to it.

Do My Work For Me

How lazy am I???  MWK did this post and I thought it was a great idea.  So not only am I asking you to do my work, I actually stole the idea from another highly creative individual.  Let me sum up…I’ve been a blog slacker.  Well, on this blog anyway.  Quirky Girls Read is thriving as is my financial/physical fitness blog.  But my personal blog has gone all to hell.  I post for Quirky and then for Losing It With Liz and I’m all written out.  So ask me a question in the comments and I’ll answer it.  Whatever you want no matter how random or bizarre.

DISCLAIMER: I reserve the right to lie but I’ll be sure and let you know I’m fibbing.  Or prevaricating.  Or whatever. 

Challenge Accepted

The best friend who shall be known as ME2 has issued a challenge.  I accept.  But not with cycling cause I am not a fan of that.  Instead I’ll be utilizing the natural hills around my neighborhood and walking/jogging working my way back into shape.

If you’d like to accept the challenge yourself, go visit ME2 and become a follower.  We need all the motivation we can get!!

Ain’t He Cute? Do you Want Him?

Kidding.

Mostly.

But seriously, he kind of ate my bedroom.  He started off with an appetizer of toilet paper pulled straight off the roll, down the hallway and into the living room.  For his salad course, he munched on a paperback novel I had on the side table next to my bed.  His main course was the top of my dresser followed up by nose and dog-lick marks all over the mirror.  Then he peed in my parents room.

:/

He’s not often so horrible, but every now and then he just gets bored and figures “What the hey!  Think I’ll destroy a buncha crap.”

So I get annoyed and get all ready to give him away-even pay someone to take him-and then he just looks at me all cute and does this little flop that makes me all awwwww…  So I guess I’ll keep him.  For now.